My World

FINAL POST

2009-09-08T14:42:00.002+08:00

Dear friends ,

I'm migrating my blog to www.meandmyinnerself.blogspot.com.

See u guyz there. Thanks

Me

Hello all the way from BALI

2009-08-26T11:12:00.002+08:00

Hello all......

I manage to get a cyber cafe and thought I should do a blog from here. Weather is great and beaches are so clean and not forgetting the air is so fresh. Definately somethings I would not regret being here.

I am glad to be here though I do not deny being homesick at this point of time. But I know one thing now about me, I cannot do spontaneous tours and it has to be preplanned and prebooked from home. Otherwise I am just a cranky annoying person.

I pity my friend Anu who is going through a lot of stress at this point because I am not helping. Perhaps this will be our last trip together and perhaps not. But all I would say is that this trip has brought me to my reality self which is I am ANNOYING, BORING and partly STUPID.

No idea what I am writing here but I got to go now becaus its time to visit more places. God be with me and Anu for we have another 4 days to go together and hope this does not ruin a friendship we have...

Bye now and missing u all at home

Time Waits for No MAN!

2009-08-13T15:54:00.000+08:00

It’s true how the saying goes. Time is something I’ve been jealous off this past few weeks. I’ve hardly had good rest due to work and social life. In fact I don’t have a social life for all the time I have is dumped into my work.

I just can’t wait to get my long waited break to explore Bali. Not forgetting this weekend Reunion with ex classmates whom I’ve not met for 18 years! Hopefully this will be something great and adventurous to kick me back to a fun loving life than just dreadful misery of work work work and work.

Not sure what I’m typing here… anyway just can’t wait for this weekend and next week to be over with….

A Legend is Gone

2009-07-08T08:08:00.008+08:00

Yesterday I had very bad migraine that it was twitching and drying my eyes. The first thing I did when I got home was to just spend 10 minutes chatting with my parents, had two slice of bread for dinner, had my shower, set my alarm to 12midnight and headed the bed.

The usual me, I just shut off the alarm that rang at 12midnight. To my surprise I just got up at about 1am and was tossing about on my bed. I could not close my eyes even knowing I had cancelled my plans of watching Michael Jackson’s memorial live as I was sure it would be available via YouTube. NOP! No matter how much I pampered myself back to bed I just could not.

Finally 1.45am I thought “what the heck” … I got up and just tuned in to CNN. By end of 3.45am I was really glad I stayed up to watch the memorial service of our one and only KING of POP, Michael Jackson!!! I was truly moved at the performances and speeches presented by all those who were present. Just many Goosebumps moment for especially Usher, John Mayer’s guitar performance for Human Nature just simply magnificent and the finale song Heal the World by all are just a few to name. Though Rev Staples, Congresswomen Sheila Jackson Lee, Smokey Robinson, Marlon Jackson and Magic Johnson made very emotional and good memories speech of the King of Pop, yet it was his 11 year old girl’s speech that moved me to tears. Paris Katherine Jackson said “Ever since I was born, daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine. And I just wanted to say I love him so much.".

I grew up by listening to Michael Jackson’s songs. His music has touched my soul and I know it has in the hearts, mind and souls of many zillion others. Looking back to what I saw this morning I was thinking “could he have really done that thing that has tarnished his name so much?” To me personally he was a great entertainer, a great musician and I can say this because we don’t hear songs like those being made these days. If you had followed the memorial with me, I know you will agree that his songs seem to have a sequence of story in his entire albums just like Congresswomen Sheila said. She explained many people don’t understand the hearts of entertainers citing that his songs from Bad to Heal the World speaks about MJ as a compassion soul who cares for the world.

I just wished Michael would have lived to see all that is happening now. To see how much people still do love him and cherish what he has done and how many lives he has touched with his music and contribution. Just sad that people never appreciated him when he was alive after rumors about his molestation and abused of children. He is gone now but I know one thing for sure, I will feel his presence whenever I hear his song for he lives with his music just like Elvis Presley. I end my blog with Smokey Robinson’s speech that says “He will never really be gone. He is going to live forever and ever and ever and ever."

No Words To Say

2009-06-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday I was surprised by a call. It was the matchmaker! Well my only mistake is being born Indian in a conservative family!!! Well 30 and single seem to be looked like a family curse by people from the clan as I will say it again!!! NO! Please do not mistake me. I’m proud to be born Indian but to be looked down and low at just because I’m single at 30 is definitely not something I’m proud to be part of.

I’m a late bloomer I will say in the career line. I screwed up my first degree. Started as a clerk though finished my degree with just Higher Diploma for 4 years before reality and trust was earned back from my parents. With that I applied for PTPTN loan, which I am still financing till this stage and after 6 years I am now in the position I am in with a degree! Many people gasp when they hear I am 30 because they say I’m innocent and chatty like someone who still does not know the world! I mean what crap! But anyway this is the scenario, being single and bla bla my mother took me to meet a matchmaker in Ipoh.

Ok first intro done. The lady saw me and did comment about my weight which I will agree that I am big that will make any guy look like my son when I walk next to them. So that’s over and done with it. So stage one she introduced me to a guy who was 6 days younger than me. ONLY 6 DAYS WHAT!!!! Many will say and I will agree but there were other issues with that guy as well. He was stingy and did not believe in calling or smsing and he seemed not so keen and brought the issue of me being 6 days older into the picture! So, ok go fly kites was my reaction. Since then I’ve not heard from this lady and then suddenly Saturday she calls the house and tells my mum there’s guy No.2!!

When my mother told me the name of the guy I was like… could it be HIM? I mean I know a guy with that name through chat like 10 years ago!!! I remember him well because he took me out for lunch for my 21st birthday! MIND you!!! YES 21st BIRTHDAY and I’ll be 30 this year!!!!!. Anyway told my mother that I knew that guy and for some reason we’ve lost contact the past 4 years.

So he called me yesterday out of the blues. He really made an impression saying how well he remembers me and for one minute I was like “WOW” not bad this guy, he remembers me!! So he was sweet to say he wants to meet my parents and how I’ve known him since I was 21 and bla bla bla and that we should meet for a drink this Saturday and bla bla bla.

Today I got a call from the matchmaker and she asked me “girl, have u not lost weight?” and I was like, “aunty I have but I cannot say, u have to see me and judge me for that!” then she told me that the guy she intro me “tak jadi” or did not work because the boy’s mum called her and said I was too big for her son! I was like “WTF”!!!!!! I’m sorry for my rudeness and words I mean he was really sweet on the phone and I thought I really made an impression and guess I did make an impression on the wrong end!!

The thing that was disappointing is that this guy could have given an excuse as he knows me as a friend and so now to get into proposal is not a good idea and instead ambushed me with my weight! HELLO!!! I’m way lot smaller now compared to how he used to see me and he had put on way much weight from those days as well (scanned him on facebook). I mean I am just very surprised. He could have at least met up with me first before drawing conclusions! Anyway he is way shorter than me and I knew that but I didn’t want to tell the matchmakers anything because I did not want her to turn back to me and say “you’re already huge and it’s not right for you to ditch people off”!!!

I’m 30 people say and I should stop being choosy but how much more are they going to push me around? How much must I do to show I’m genuine!? I just don’t know what to say anymore. I am just so sad and disappointed that I can strangle the first person I meet!!! It’s really sad I tell you to be rejected just because you are fat!!! And knowing I was not even given a chance to show that I’ve lost tremendous weight and planning to reach my ideal weight in the next 5 months makes me feel like a whole lot of a loser!!!! This is just unfair and so hurting to even type anymore……………………

I think in the future I’ll tell the matchmaker to make an appointment for me to meet the guy straight first. If he thinks he likes me, we will talk otherwise he might as well FO! I think I’m worth more than just a toy!!!! I don’t think I’ve ever been this hurt to be this rude in my expression my entire life!!!!! But you would just not understand this situation unless you’ve been through it ………………………………………………

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO

2009-06-12T22:07:00.000+08:00

A murder took place today near my neighborhood. The man who died is someone my family knows. Sometimes we question how and when but we don’t have the answer. Whether the man is good or bad is a secondary issue but to be shot dead and slashed at the same time making sure a victim is dead 100% I think is just too much of brutality. How does one walk safe after this? I’m even scared to walk in my own Taman!!!

I remember walking from town to my house those days after classes and feeling very safe all around. But now even my Taman got snatch thieves and it’s just so sad. What’s the world coming too I wonder…….. To add things worst I’m still single. Don’t have a fallback!!! Grrrr … wished that knight of shining armour is somewhere nearby!!!!!

Short Stories

2009-06-05T14:10:00.002+08:00

As usual yesterday was Thursday. Met Priscilla at the mamak next to church before Choir practice. Was sharing with her my day at Uniten and also my crazy staff and she just chuckled and said "Akka why your life so comedic one". That's when I told her maybe I should write short stories about my life and she said YES! (smile). Hmmmm I think I'm going to write it! But would the writing me be for ME alone or for publication or general sharing..... I don't know for now. Let me just write and see how it goes.

To my neighbour uncle who's been checking day and night to see if i've updated my blog or not,hope he's happy upon seeing this updated blog!

Hope to update more soon!!

Standard 6 Gathering

2009-05-17T01:20:00.002+08:00

My GOD! what a night before!!!!!! Can't believe I actually met friends whom I've not met in 18 years!!!!!

Facebook is so cool!!! I just got back from the gathering and I'm still suprised about so many to even type it out. Perhaps will update when we have our bigger gathering!!!! Hrmm that's what we are planning for, for now.

LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED

2009-02-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

It's been sometime since I blogged. I'm sure many are not suprised as blogging seem to be a phase for me. These past few months things have been very challenging for me. From work to personal life and to friendship.... you just name it and i have a story for it and i forsee more challenging events in all areas over the next few months. Sometimes one goes through too much that they can't say much. I guess i'm in that phase now and the below says it all

WHY WHY WHY
WHEN WHEN WHEN
WHO WHO WHO
WHERE WHERE WHERE
Is all the questions in my mind

Yet life goes on
Let the words be thrown
Let the pressure come
And may it all move by
As fast as the cylone wind without returning

A Lesson Well Learnt

2008-11-12T20:37:00.002+08:00

I stayed out the last two days and that has taught me a lot about things. My overall summary would be, NEVER make myself too low or beg to get things and never trust anyone's words. MONEY is always the insight of true friendships and character testing. In blunt, never trust anyone. If anyone wants anything from you, let them do the search, let them do the run, let them do the beg,plead and cry. I shall bow no more. I shall hurt no more. I shall stop it all. It's time to change the wind and wheel. Some may be wondering what I'm blabbering about here but for some..... you should know what I mean................

Experiment

2008-09-14T23:34:00.002+08:00

Hi there ,....

please bear with me as i explore and choose the right settings for my blog. I recently found out that we can actually change and edit the display settings... it's really cool causing more confusions as to what I want now. So bear with me as this experiment goes on and off.....

No idea....

2008-09-12T14:46:00.000+08:00

My life with friends has been on a roller coaster lately. I just don’t know what I am doing wrong. When I confided in a friend, he said I’m just thinking too much and being a paranoid and overly sensitive. Maybe I am. Guess it’s time to be selfish. Weird, whenever I make a decision like this I still always get back to square one. Wish I had a punching bag with me to punch me back to reality each time I try to turn back the old sensitive me ways.

But one thing I’m happy is that, when I talk it out in a more relaxed way, things get solved rather than add some minor injuries like headache in the head and heart ache. I’m just typing here and not sure what this blog is all about……..

BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE

2008-09-12T14:45:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Eswaran.....

MY FIRST EULOGY WRITING

2008-09-12T08:06:00.001+08:00

MS LILY PAKIAM PONNIAH (18/09/1946 - 07/09/2008)

Good morning everyone. I stand here representing the family thanking everyone for your presence to my Athai’s funeral service. Miss Pakiam Ponniah or many would know her as Lily is my dad’s sister.

Lily Athai was born on Sept 18th 1946 in Banting. She is the 5th child in the family of 5 girls and 3 boys. Athai used to work for a company called UMW in Shah Alam.

It does not matter how we relate to Athai. For some among us, she’s a sister, for some an aunt, a grandma, a relative, a friend… but one thing about her that we would all agree on is that, she’s a gem of a person.

Lily Athai is a very friendly person. She could connect to anyone easily. She has always been the perfect host too. None of us went to visit her in her home ever left with a hungry stomach. She’s always happy to serve, cook and entertain everyone who visited her. She was never once selfish and always caress for everyone around her. She was like a friend at most time with everyone. The joy on her face is something I will remember and I’m sure you will too. I see her smile even as I speak.

She was like a mother to many especially her siblings and us – her nephews and nieces. She’s always advising and giving ideas on how to handle situations. She was definitely the shoulder to cry on for the some of us. A very kind woman who spoke her mind to resolve things but never took anything to heart. A very forgiving natured person she was.

Athai had a passion for writing. She has written Tamil articles for magazines, Tamil newspapers and some Christian magazines too. She was a very strong, brave and a very diet conscious person too. You should know if you saw how smooth her skin and how slim. Her recipe to healthy living is “Never take food from stalls. Cook at home it’s healthy”. She was indeed a great cook too.

Among all the great things to say about Athai, the greatest would be that she was a faithful servant and witness of Christ. She used to teach Sunday school in Carey Island and Batang Berjuntai in her younger days. It did not matter to her where she was, “CHRIST” and “JESUS”S LOVE” will always be a topic she never missed. Even when she was in the hospital, she ministered to most of the people around her. And that TRUE love for GOD and her faithfulness is something I’ll say has set a TRUE CHRISTIAN LIVING EXAMPLE.

Sept 7th, 12.15am, we received the news, we have lost Lily Athai. The news came up to us all like a shocking wave. But we know she has not gone far for she has returned to our heavenly Father’s home. Lily Athai, we will all miss you greatly today. The memories we’ve had will be cherished. Athai has fulfilled the bible verse 2 Timothy Chapter 4 verse 7, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith”. May her soul rest in peace.

BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE

2008-09-10T14:46:00.000+08:00

HARPIEEEE BIRTHDAY JANAGI AKKA!!!!!

GRADUATION WISHES

2008-09-07T08:27:00.001+08:00

To My darling cousin Janet whom I'm sure will read this at one point..... Congrads girl on your convocation and God Bless you in everything you do and May you shine in all you set your heart and soul in.

Love,
Akka :)

BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE

2008-09-06T14:44:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Mr Yong and Karen mummy..... God bless you both

STUCK and Birthday Wishes

2008-09-04T22:39:00.002+08:00

For some reason I'm just all jammed and not sure what to write about since I've started blogging back. Gosh I just hope I can do something ..............

Anyway I think since I'm stuck I'll take this time to recognize 3 people who celebrates their birthday today

1) My cousin Vijay
2) My neighbour Aunty Nerumala Devi
3) My friend, Gerard..

Happy Birthday U guyz and God Bless Always

LOVE!!!!!!

2008-09-02T22:25:00.002+08:00

No idea when this is going to hit me. But I just pray and hope it's going to be soon.......

Nite nite now....

I'M FINALLY BACK!!!

2008-09-01T22:14:00.002+08:00

I can sense some screaming there "FINALLY SHE IS BLOGGING AGAIN!!!!!!!"... well there is just so many things happening in my life now and THEN that just slipped my mind and time to blog. Guess it's just something I got to do now on. Updates updates updates will be my first aim.

Can't believe after months that i realize today that there are just too many features to choose and change in this blog. Really cool I would say. Guess will be lots of blogging, exploring and lalalalala's now on.......

So, stay tune cause I'm BACK!!!! OH BABY YEAH I'M BACK FOR GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODddddddddddddddddddddd

Weird

2008-04-23T15:34:00.000+08:00

“Some people come into our life and quickly go and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same after that”

That was the status statement updated in one of my friend’s facebook account recently and I so agree to it. This year has been challenging for me. I’ve somehow grown closer to a friend whom I only meet once a year and I’ve known him for 4 years now. I’d say that the friendship was good though we met less. After a good 4 years suddenly one sms that says “…………this is the beginning of the end” ends it all.

My God!? What did I do wrong!? It was truly a tsunami that hit my life without any warning. After 4 years he says I’ve been annoying and irritating. I sat and wondered… Yes I’ll admit that I’ve been irritating and a little annoying but it wasn’t done in a hurtful manner but more playfully and fun because he replies and encourages the smses!!! I believe he should have given me a warning so I’ll know what to expect and what was his tolerance level.

A mutual friend whom I got to know through my so called “ex friend” now, told me to just sit back and relax and just to let my “ex friend” go. Here begins my problem. I care too much for every friendship I get into that I take the blame for everything even though I know that it’s not my fault! How do I grow when one doesn’t tell me my weakness to improve? When a mistake made is not questioned, how will I know it’s a problem???

The some time the friends who do tell me my problems on the other hand do not consider the environment we are in. I’ve always told friends I’m sad with them through a sms or even corner them in person when they are alone in order for others not to look badly at me or this particular friend… Flaring in front of people is just not my style

I guess above all I just need to stop now. I’m not bothered of what others think of me already. If you can’t accept me the way I am then so be it! Accept or Leave. Time has come for me to stop caring for people. It’s not time to care for Myself!!! And so starts another name now for me!! PERASAN or SELFISHNESS……….. Damn! Life is just so unfair. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Long time

2008-04-22T10:05:00.000+08:00

Hey there,

It's been truly some time since I last blogged. I'll try to get myself back in track in the next few days. SO many things been happening that words are just something I can't make out to express. So much to bear yet very little and tiny heart.... More to come in the next post......

Till then hope all is well and fine with you all...

God Bless

FINALLY

2008-02-09T12:18:00.000+08:00

Wow, FINALLY today after a month of getting my streamyz and laptop, I'm actually doing the first thing I planned initially when I got this thingy which was to type out all my handwritten stuff and keep a copy in the computer. Probably will print it all out when I get back to the office. I can't believe how much of writing I've done over the years. Some weirdly I don't remember to whom I wrote it too or at what situation I wrote it too.. It is mostly poems.

My friend was telling me yesterday how she missed writing. Hmm I guess I’m going to complete my short story written too. It’s always a romance fantasy kind in my case. Probably I should trying being an Asian version of Judith Mcnaught. Hai, another hot air dream that will never be a reality. Well I’ll just write for myself for now.......

Birthday Tribute

2008-02-01T09:50:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Andrew

God Bless you always and thanks for being a friend all these years.

Just out of my usual

2008-01-16T05:14:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like a looser at work in your life? Well that’s how I feel at this point of time. I feel like I’m a BA holder who can’t think of this simple point! My boss called me asking me what I thought about something today. As usual being ME, I twisted the whole thing to my point. Along came another two ladies into the picture all banging my boss head. Finally when I sat down with some friends talking about it, I realized I’ve been doing my work all WRONG for the past 4 months!!!!

At this point of time I feel so frustrated. No point pointing fingers as to who has made the mistake. I got to take full responsibility of my actions. Just that now I have to identify the files I’ve done wrong.

It’s just so frustrating. I’m already having a very bad mouth ulcer and now to add things worst THIS!!! God have mercy on me please.

Birthday Tribute

2008-01-14T04:14:00.000+08:00

Today is my cousin Janet's birthday. I almost forgot to wish her. Anyway I hope that God blesses her with everything she desires.I hope her macho man got her something interesting hehe

And to Gerard another friend... Happy Birthday and God bless U

Birthday Tribute

2008-01-05T16:12:00.000+08:00

Today is my collegue Thiru's birthday. Can't believe he's already 29! Well soon I'll be there too. But I guess for now I'll just dedicate this space for him and May God bless Him in all he does

My Work Anniversary

2008-01-04T12:01:00.000+08:00

I’m like a walking zombie this morning. Well what can you expect from someone who only slept at 3am! I know it’s my own self infliction that I can’t put the blame on anyone else.

Anyway, today marks an important date in my career life. I started my career life in 06.05.2002 as a contract staff. Beginning 03.01.2005 I was absorbed to be a permanent staff. Along the way, I did my degree on a part time basis. I was a very playful student in my younger days that I only managed an advance diploma in International Business Administration.

After gaining my parents trust again, I did my attempt for a degree the second time around in Business Administration. I took PTPTN loan as a sense of security of not wasting my dad’s money. By the Grace of God I graduated with Second Class (Hons). A relief on my face the minute I knew my results. I still remember my dad’s voice on the phone when I told him my results. He was moved into tears. I remember my mum’s reaction on my graduation day and that’s something that will go down in history where my life is concerned.

Today marks history because I’ve served 3 years as a permanent staff and looking forward to move up the leader of career by applying for the post of an exec in my organization. There is a pre-requisite here that you’ve got to serve 3 years before getting a promotion. I guess I can now go all out to search and climb myself in life….

Streamyx and Laptop

2008-01-03T14:17:00.000+08:00

So, my company just paid our bonus and guess what I did with it? Well Yup, there I went with my brothers and parents on the eve of Christmas and we purchased a Dell cheap Laptop. Well cheap or expensive "janji" it was a laptop and I was really excited that today I got my streamyx lines hooked up.

Gosh it's been one year since I last chatted on MIRC, MSN or YM. The first thing I did today was I got all my chat programs downloaded and away I went into every program and rooms screaming silently up in my head "I'm back!!!! I'M BACK!!! BEWARE OF ME!!" hehehehe

Now I'm excited, when end of the month the streamyx bill comes sure I'll be, "HAIYO!!!!!! BUDGET LARI LA KAWAN!" :p hehehehe Norm of life I guess! Nothing is ever enough

2008

2008-01-02T00:47:00.000+08:00

So today is the 1st of January 2008. It's funny how some feel very energized over the fact of NEW YEAR when the fact remains that 2007 was just yesterday! Well I was talking about 31st December 2007 of course. It's really amazing how the one end number makes a BIG difference for so many people.

Well I'm sure many of your would have had a piled up resolutions after resolutions for this coming 2008. To me this New Year is something special because I'm finally getting a grip of myself to overcome my sadness of loosing my precious handphone and wallet. I've lost all contacts and just hope somehow all them will message me soon so I can start a standard reply message that says, "hi, thanks for your message... errr who's this please... i'm sorry i've lost my phone and therefore have no details of your contact... so can you please reply me. thanks"... geesssss just when i thought new year was going to be new, I still have to relate to my past sadness.....

What have I lined up for 2008 many will ask but I guess I'm too sad now to write on that now... I guess Happy New Year you all and God bless you with all your inner most desires.....

This is What Blogspot would write to me.... A Welcome Note To Myself

2008-01-01T18:59:00.000+08:00

Dear Anonymous,

We thank you for your great interest in blogging. We hope blogspot would give you the freedom to write whatever you want without being afraid of who knows you and what people would think about you if you be transparent. Your heading for your blog “My World” should be your stepping zone to an insight of just speaking out your inner thoughts, fears and dreams. We hope you’d not change your lifestyle and blogging address more often then you’ve done all these while. Glad to have you on board and we wish you the very best on your daily activities.

With love,
Blogspot (on behalf of all your fellow blogger and non blogger friends)

Weird call

2007-08-23T11:17:00.000+08:00

I had the most disturbing call this morning. A girl i know through work just called me to ask me if i'm doing ok because it seems she had a dream that I was dead. How weird I thought. God I hope it is nothing...

WHAT'S YOUR LOVE TO ME

2007-08-22T19:19:00.000+08:00

The latest song I wrote

Throughout our busy lives we come across so many people with various walks of life
And we can never stop a sudden friendship that becomes a part of our daily lives
Friendship is something that needs time
To build a sense of trust and love
And only time can help decide
The genuinity of that love
And I would say I am suprised
We've built a sense of trust in a short time
And I'll be thankful all my life
For all the moments we have shared together

Chorus : Cause Baby you're so
Gentle and soft and so sweet in your ways
For all of your love, hugs and kisses
Is what keeps a smile on my face
For I'm so ever grateful to have you
Always here by my side
And baby I pray that this love we share
Would last us a lifetime

Now that I have you here can't think of a day goes by my without you by my side
I'm just amazed of all the changes that's been happening to me since your presence in my life
Amazing how there's so much love
Trapped deep within this heart of mine
Words can't express my joy within
This tears speaks the joy my heart feels
For I'm so glad and thanks to you
I feel each passing day so brand new
And I know this one is true
It was your love that made my life new

Chorus : Cause Baby you're so
Gentle and soft and so sweet in your ways
For all of your love, hugs and kisses
Is what keeps a smile on my face
For I'm so ever grateful to have you
Always here by my side
And baby I pray that this love we share
Would last us a lifetime

Bridge : For there could never be another love to replace you
Cause my heart has this little dreams that only you can fill
And no matter what life has planned for me I'd promise you
A love that's so gentle, so pure and so true
For as long we both shall live

Chorus : Cause Baby you're so
Gentle and soft and so sweet in your ways
For all of your love, hugs and kisses
Is what keeps a smile on my face
For I'm so ever grateful to have you
Always here by my side
And baby I pray that this love we share
Would last us a lifetime

Help me let go

2007-08-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

You came and taught me the game of love. With love you taught me that when there’s no pain there’s no gaining. Yet end of it all I had only pain and no gain. When you left, it shattered my heart. Questions, heavy left in my head. How am I to survive? Why does it hurt so badly? So many WHY"S in my head yet nothing has an answer. I try to hide my loneliness but there’s your voice in my head telling me how you wished you were there and you were the one next to me. If only you were still around I could have been a Mrs. or a mom by now. What hurts most is that I never had the chance to even say goodbye.

5 years now since you left. I’ve completed your destiny. I’ve fulfilled your wishes and dreams yet there’s one more left and I’m afraid I can’t and won’t be able to fulfill that last wish baby! I can’t think of anyone who can take your place or even come close to you.

Why is it so hard to get a genuine guy who can accept me for what I am? Lately all my friends are getting married one by one. I can’t help but feel sad for myself. It is already sad enough I don’t have a social life and now it’s getting worst that I don’t have someone to dump my sorrows too. Yes I have friends but I can’t talk to them about my feelings and hurt.

At this point I can’t stop my tears from flooding my cheeks. In my every tear I see you. In my every drop of tear, I see your dimple smile with your arms wide open that makes me wanting to run into your arms, hug you and to feel your soft kisses on my forehead. I remember your gentle touch and your ever moist lips just as clear as your hour of doom. There you lie motionless. Your body so cold. Oh I felt a knife piercing my soul. I’m alive but stuck as if I’ve been striked by lightning, too shocked to cry. Those final hours still give me a shiver each time I think about it. Yet again, in every tear there are fond memories as well.

Help me dear to show me that right person that would be fit enough to take your place. I don’t want this silence to hurt me greater dearie. It’s coming to 5 years and I can’t control my feelings and the promise that I’ve made to you baby. Help me to let go love. Help me. Oh I wish I could just have you standing in front of me for one last time. I seriously would just once want to feel your kiss and assuring hug. I just need that shoulder to just scream my heart out and pour our all my sourness and bitterness and sadness……

Help me let go love…………………………………….

An Experience of Meeting GOD

2007-08-20T07:21:00.000+08:00

Hello there,

How did your weekend go? Well I’m glad I made a new friend and that is what this blog is all about. I recall and old song by John Osborn.. if I’m not mistaken it’s John or Joe or something like that… The song is all about what if god was one of us. Many Christians especially would hate that song because it’s a mockery of Christianity in general. But I met God through Anita last Saturday.

About weeks now my friend Anita had been talking about her friend whom she knows as God. So last Saturday she was going out with him and she invited me to join. At the beginning I was afraid of crashing an intimate union but then Anita assured me that it was ok to tag along. So I went to Chilli’s BSC to meet them. I was so afraid of either knowing the guy or even making a fool of myself. So when I reached there I messaged Anita to ask her where she was and she said she was sitting near the bar. I walked and there saw the back view of Anita. I was facing face to face with God. There he was with very big round eyes, tanned about my colour, wide smile. I said Hi, introduced myself and after that we moved to another table. It was a good meet I will say. I had found memories.

Hopefully we could do this another time again………………….

Sunday was at church. Since I drank white wine Saturday, I had lots of recovering sessions at home on Sunday. And today is Monday the day we all dread because we are at work!!! Sob sob sob. Can’t wait for the week to run pass fast so I can catch up with myself for a change next week! That is if I don’t get an invitation to loose out again!

Oh by the way, I know God’s name is S now so I’ll call him S and not God for I’ll be a sinner :). Cheers all…………………………….

My Life Last Whole Week

2007-08-15T18:22:00.000+08:00

Last week Monday was my competency appraisal week. Competency ratings are what my company bases on for a staff’s annual increment. Since hearing the news about appraisal week, my tummy was just growling like a hungry tiger hunting for its prey. The stress and anticipation of the wait only contributed in me going up and down the toilet. Sorry I guess that was too much detail for you. Hehehe

Anyway on Friday my boss called me in at 4pm. My whole appraisal lasted 1 ½ hours. We spoke but nothing was argued. Though he did not give me high marks, his approach was definitely softer than my Ex-boss. I thought to myself no point arguing because I’ll not say I have the perfect character. Right after that I rushed for a cab to church because I was leading Praise & Worship last Sunday. Practice seemed Ok and reached home 10pm and straight went to bed.

On Saturday I went to work to learn something from the housing unit. Worked till 2.30 and left to Mid Valley’s Chilli’s to meet my friend Anita. We both shared the triple play but Anita paid for it. Hehe. Thanks ANITA! For the first time I had Red Wine. Before meeting Anita I went to Maybank to withdraw money. First I went to the ATM to withdraw the last 40 in my account but unfortunately the ATM only allows 50 at one go. So what I did was, I walked to the cash deposit machine and deposited RM10 and then again walked to the ATM and withdraw RM50! I’m sure many of you are going “haiyo”!, right? Well I can now imagine the security guard’s face just staring at me like I’m some loose nut around. Hehe. Definitely my most embarrassing moment. Ermmm actually it is one of my most embarrassing moment!. Hmm perhaps I should open a blog on my most embarrassing moments and I’m sure to have a list of it. That would be another post to ponder. Anyway after withdrawing the money I walked straight to Chilli’s and to my surprise I saw Suren sitting with a cute German guy. He looked at me rather surprised! In my head I just hope the surprise look was for him realizing I’ve lost weight! – hehe perasan me!!!

Ok, WHO is SUREN?, many will ask. Well he’s the PILOT nephew of my friend and ex-colleague – the late aunty Vasanta. Anyway so I walked in and headed the bar side and saw Anita as usual with her book and a drink. The place was really crowded that we had to sit at the bar. Well since Anita belanja the triple play, I only paid for my wine and movie. Gosh the tickets for RushHour3 was RM12 this time around!. Anyway at 3.45 we walked to GSC. This is the first time I’m actually drinking Red Wine unlike my usual White Wine, the minute I walked out, everything was moving. That was really bad. The first thing I did when I reached GSC was to buy myself a mineral bottle and a Snickers bar. The minute I dumped my ass on the C12 sitting, I quickly opened the Snickers and started munching while drinking water and WALLA! Situation was under control!

I reached home almost 7.45pm and headed straight to bed. The next morning I drove to church. As I was walking down the entrance of the church I realized my throat was just going haywire! My music notes were flying towards God knows which direction. Shortly I just stopped and did a small prayer and when I took lead of the Praise and Worship I thank God I got back my voice. I’m glad everything went well with church. That Sunday I just came back and slept like a pig to recover from the wine I had. Somehow I feel that the wine effect is still working in me. But then again it could be my imagination…….

Wonder what this week has in store for me! He he

It's all about Me ... THE HEART!

2007-07-28T23:24:00.000+08:00

No one will know how excited I was this morning. Though excited, I got a little worried because it was closing to 9.30am and I still did not see the freaking sign of the bus to Butterworth!. The blood vessels started heating things up to make me pound harder and harder. The excitement and restlessness could be seen in the eyes and the forehead of the holder. Suddenly I started beating at normal 120/80 reading with a sense of relief when the eyes saw the CONSORTIUM BUS to Butterworth!

The legs walked, found its seat. And the bum rested at its place. The hands removed a purple book from the beg. Zillions of thoughts running through the brains but the hands somehow were stuck. I stand here still at 120/80, getting very cozy and comfortable. Suddenly the eyes opened and I started pumping faster. It was the bus stopping for people to go to the toilet. The legs walked, the hands did its thing and when all was done, the bum took its place again. The eyes dropped again and I was at calm till the legs walked down the bus at the Juru exit. The journey
was so cool. I saw greenery through the eyes. It all somehow relaxed my heavy burden with the busy life I've had back in KL..

The legs entered the house. The eyes showed me a big house, well kept. I was coolly beating as normal at 120/80. Suddenly after 7 hours I started beating restlessly. Not sure what to do.. the legs and the arms started walking up and down, not sure where to stop. The eyes started feeling shy. There he came, this dark tall shining knight. He was easily 6ft tall, dark, short wavy graying hair, dark black eyes with long eye lashes. All of a sudden the eyes met and I became shy, a warm fuzzy feeling came over me... it was like an electric wave within the veins. No words utttered only the eyes spoke of shyness and as for me I was beating at 120/80 as well as 180/110... all for a good reason.

I wonder if she's in love all over again!.................

Freedom and Fear

2007-06-19T16:25:00.000+08:00

A friend once advised me not to be bothered about the world when you blog. Your blog should be your right! Write whatever you want! I even had friends complimenting me for my braveness and boldness telling me how friends should accept someone for what they really are – just as themselves. Yet at times I wonder if I have done the right thing by telling my friends that I have a blog.

At the very start of my blogging days I remember the excitement and also the rate of my heart beat. Each time I saw someone leaving me a comment my eyes just opens wide and my face glows all bright. Days pass the brightness got dimmer and dimmer. All of a sudden I’m running. My behavior of a run is visibly seen upon the frequency of me changing my blog addresses and also maintaining a dual blog to represent split personalities of myself!

I loose two things by running away from blogging. Firstly the credibility and support from friends because they get really bored with the idea of knowing me with different web addresses and the other is I miss having blog anniversaries. I just so envy all those who soundly have many blog anniversaries. Well I blame myself actually because I fear the fear of revealing too much.

Many people I care about reads my blog these days. One thing I know for sure is that even though they are not commenting, they sure are keeping in touch with my life by reading my blog. Knowing this how can I blog about the person who reads this blog? Yes I can change the person’s name and give them an imaginary one, but towards the end of the day the person whom I’m blogging about would in a way know it’s them!! I wonder now where does the freedom of me blogging go now!?

When I’m angry sometimes I write stuffs as to how angry and sad I am. I’m just being bold, brutal and upright but I just don’t want anyone getting hurt by my brutal honestly.

Maybe I should ask all those who reads my blog to comment in the blog and not to ask me about it in reality. Let the blog life be a debate on the blog life so it does not affect the reality life. Yet I know some things are easier said than done. Human’s feelings and thoughts are things we think we can control but we can’t. Until we see, read and feel with the story, no one can predict and say “THIS is how I’m going to react!!!!”.

I’m not sure where this post is heading. Will I blog about my current thoughts or hurt that’s been bugging me?…. Probably I would, BUT AGAIN!, I’m running from FEAR. The FEAR of HURTING someone I CARE and LOVE!

Maxis Call Center

2007-03-26T12:13:00.000+08:00

If you’re using the Hotlink service then you’d know what I mean with this blog. Anyway just an overview and don’t think that I’m publicizing for Hotlink. So Hotlink works these days with merit points. If you top up RM10 then you’ll have 20 points and if it’s RM30, you’ll have 60 points. Basically I think the points are times two of what you reload into your account. For every 100 points you can either redeem RM1 talk time or 50 free sms to numbers within the same network. So 3 weeks ago I tried redeeming the points for 50 free sms. I was told that due to their system being upgraded my points will delay till after the 23rd. So yesterday was the 26th and I was loosing my patience that I decided to call Maxis call centre. So here is the conversation….

Man : Good evening, thank you for calling Maxis Call Centre. How may I help you this is X.
Me : Hi X I’m Y and I’m calling due to problems in the redemption of points.
X : Yes Ms. Y I’m sorry that our service is still upgrading and it would only revive in two weeks
Me : Two weeks!!!!?
X : Yes Ms Y. By the way are you Indian?
Me : Yes I am! Why I sound like a foreigner is it!? ( rather harshly I asked him).
X : Oh I’m an Indian too
Me : Oh well Vanakam( hi in tamil) then.

That guy actually spoke to me in tamil for a while and started being cute and naughty and flirty. I was not sure to be rude, nice or to laugh the whole thing. After he being really help X told me that there will be a customer evaluation form I need to reply as to his service. I told him I’m going to rate him 1 (poorest marking scheme). And then he said “ 5 la Miss”. And I quickly replied “5 means u owes me lunch” and he replied “NO PROBLEM”.

Anyway I rated him 5 because he was really sweet and helpful. Anyway I know for a sure he’s not going to call me and buy me lunch or anything. But it was worth a laugh towards end of it because the week had been truly stressful!

My Saturday (Again)

2007-01-08T20:47:00.000+08:00

I can’t believe my long written blog about my Saturday just vanished into cyber space. Who am I to blame? Is it the cyber world or the earthquake in Taiwan? I guess I’ll just have to blame myself for having over confidence on this unreliable system. So here I am rewriting everything. Hopefully it is as good as or better than the previous post.

So it’s Saturday and everyone is asleep but I’m stuck at work. It’s already sad enough that we don’t get paid anything to work but I guess some things just never change! Work is Work and whether you like it or not you just got to DO! So I worked my ass off till about 4.00pm. At 4.15 my dad picked me up and we drove to Banting for my niece’s 21st Birthday function. I’m 28 this year and I have a big niece!!! Gee it didn’t strike me in the beginning but it does now. Well anyway Karen is my cousin’s daughter. The whole thing is just so cute. I have other nieces and nephews. The cutest part of it all is that all of them call me either Chitti (mother’s sister) or Athai (father’s sister). A part of me becomes old at that point of time but I did not mind one bit because I feel like I’m respected and love. I know it all sounds too weird but I guess it’s just a nice fuzzy feeling I have. The food was great, the music and the people were all just great. My cousin really did pull up a great gathering for his daughter I would say. I will admit there were many cute guys… but sad no one my age!! All thambis (younger brothers) la… Cheh!! Sad Sad… hehehe Anyway that’s what cuci mata is all about right?

Overall I will say that my niece who is taller than me looked great with her black gown. She looked really pretty! I have a picture of me and her. For now it will be on my friendster account since blogging picture’s here is a little too complicated for me. Anyway I shall try my level best. It was good to see my other cousin’s boyfriend attending family functions. I guess Sandy is now officially announced to be a part of the family since my aunty and uncle have officially announced that Sandy will be the future son in law! I’m so happy for them both. It’s cute that I learnt a secret about Sandy from my cousin. It seems he snores a lot. Hehehe I told them I’ll get them a muffler as a wedding present. He was annoyed but in a rather cute way.

Next week Saturday I’ll be in Klang for the 100th year celebration of St.Barnabas church. What happens then will be another blog.

I got home at 10.30pm on Saturday. It was a nice great outing with my cousins and loved ones. Can’t wait for next week’s gathering!

Cheers all…

2007-01-05T17:46:00.001+08:00

I asked a good friend how did he start his New Year's and he replied "With my loved ones". When paused the same question back I told him I got drunk. He then replied, "good la, this is how you are going to spend your 2007... being drunk 3/4 of the year". I was so pist mad with him. Thankfully it was a phone conversation and not a life one or I'd sure to have kick his butt.

When I got home I started thinking about what he said and I realized I'm NOT going to be drunk 3/4 of the year but I'm going to be in church 3/4 of the year because I started my New Year not being drunk but more of being in Church!. Gosh..... me being an angel!? I'm sure many toes are laughing at this moment! If only they knew me! Hehehehehehe

Love you all....

and G, I'm no DRUNK! :)

History Created by Friends for 2007

2007-01-01T23:43:00.000+08:00

HAPPIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! Wow so fast 2006 passed. I just got back today at 4.00am. Church took that long this year. The whole service was funny. We have a new priest and things were different. I managed to catch the fire crackers high in the air from the back balcony of the church. I would say it was all good. To my surprise even my praise and worship leading was a success. Big HIT! What a blessing to start the New Year in church.

Well I got up at almost 9.00am and saw a message from my friend Suresh asking me what time we (Anita, Suresh and Me) are meeting? Immediately I called him to tell him I just got up and he was surprised because he was already all set to meet. Anyway managed to tell my mother I’m leaving early and so I took the 11am train. Suresh was waiting for me and Anita in Midvalley. He managed to book the tickets for the movie “A night at the Museum”.

So it was 12pm when Anita met Suresh and me at the food court. I had watermelon juicy. Yummy! Now we had a situation. It was time for lunch. I’m known for being the queen of fast food or Indian food. I don’t eat anything else but fast food most of the time. There I sat being lectured by both of my good friends as to what type of person can I be, without even trying any other food like Spanish, Italian, Thai and etc. I’ve been getting this nagging since 2006 and thought yeah why not I just shut my mouth and thoughts by agreeing to have Thai food. So we went to this Thai restaurant in Midvalley. It was good. Though I’ll admit the Tom Yam was too spicy for me. But it was alright.

After lunch it was time for the movie. The movie was hilarious. I’d say this movie is definitely something you got to watch! Before the movie started I just whispered towards Suresh saying, “thank you for lunch” and he replied “you’re most welcome”. That was my candid moment of one to one with Suresh, not forgetting the things I went through to keep this guy from sleeping in the theatre.

Okay now comes the biggest History in my entire life. I’m not bragging here or anything like that but this is the truth. I’ve never had wine nor drank beer or any alcohol in my whole entire life. After the movies, we took a drive to Sri Hartamas and ended up in Finnegan’s. I can’t believe myself that I, a person who has not touched alcohol before in her entire life had 3 glasses of white wine! I remember feeling very sleepy while in my second glass. My head just dropped down towards the table while Suresh was trying to keep me awake.

I drove home and reached home by 9.00pm. Thought of heading straight to bed but thought I should blog first. My father is already giving me that look that he smells something fishy with me. Anyway time to sleep. My friends are right; they have indeed created history in my life. Wonder if I can ever trust them again……………………………………. But they both still are angels to my heart!

Love you guys!

Last Day for 2006

2006-12-31T18:29:00.000+08:00

So it’s New Year’s Eve. While the whole of Malaysia and the World sit today and draw up their New Year’s resolution, I sit here adamant of not drawing my own. I already see many eyebrows frowning giving me the look I scare most. The look that I could be crazy!? Just thought to myself, what’s the point of drawing up resolutions when you don’t stick to it!!!? It’s the same thing with me every year! Each resolution I make, I seem to be only breaking it instead of improving myself better! Down the road it’s the same old thing, the same old me! So I’ve decided to allow nature take its lead for 2007.

Anyway I got an sms from my friend Anita asking me if I was free to meet her and Suresh again for a drink and I said why not since it’s been sometime since we 3 Brady bunch met!. Suresh being his usual enthusiasm might plan for a driving trip to somewhere where we leave in the morning and return by night fall. I felt bad of making him drive around. As it is, it’s a sacrifice he is making to drive all the way from Johor to meet us girls in KL. So I decided movie. Hopefully we can get a booking.

Okay, time to go get ready to go to church. I’m feeling nervous for I’ll be leading in church for praise and worship tonight. Never really sung a Tamil song in public in years. Hopefully everything works out well. For you all have a nice party time celebrating the last hours of 2006!

Boxing Day!!!!

2006-12-26T19:30:00.000+08:00

So it’s the 26th of December. It’s also known as the Boxing Day. While everyone has taken long leave till the New Year, here I am working. Management of your leave is also important… this is the lesson I learnt for this year. I use to take half days and Mc’s just to keep my friends company for a movie and towards the end, I’m not appreciated. One of my New Year’s resolutions is definitely going to be living my life the way I want it. But of course I don’t see that happening on the wide scale as I’m still wrapped under my parent’s roof.

After work today my colleagues and I visited my ex-colleague’s house. Aunty Devi passed away last month of heart problems. It’s just so devastating and still is for many of us. Anyway my colleagues and I just went for a visit to visit her son and her mother. It was indeed a very different visit this time. I was indeed shock to hear one of the stories Devi’s mother told me. It seems someone stole all off Aunty Devi’s jewelry on her 30th prayer day. Those were the jewelry that aunty last used before she passed. It was indeed shocking. I’ve always seen these things in Tamil movie in the comedy parts whereby the joker will pretend to be a dead man’s relative and he’d mourn and slowly try to steal the person’s possessions but never knew it was possible in the reality. I at times now wonder if it was stolen or genuinely went missing. Maybe the unseen has worked its way. Mysteries, only aunty Devi can answer if she was still alive.

I’m just happy to see the son smiling at me the usual way. I bought him Ferrero Chocolates. He loved it and thanked me. I remember teasing the small boy about wearing pants that were air conditioned. Actually he had a rip right at his private (smiles). It was cute. One minute I wished he was my age… could have had bigger imaginations! Geezzzz I must really be getting old!. Anyway I’m glad that even though Devi is gone, her sister in law has given us the green light to visit Kabilan (Devi’s son) anytime we wish. For this reason I’m happy.

We Wish U a Very Christmas!!!!

2006-12-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

So Christmas came and went by. There are just so many things that took place on that day. I had many visitors. I even had visitors who just dropped by to say Hello. I’m glad Jeya brought his wife and son. It’s was so cool to finally have a conversation with his Mrs. In fact it is the first time I’m talking to her. If you are wondering who is Jeya, then you should read my previous post of me attending his wedding… my ex classmate. Of course Anu came. Then I had Sugu Anne and his wife and his son, Prema brought her brother and her cousin sis whom I’ve not seen in donkey years. The house was practically crowded. I’m glad I had a nice Christmas. What a frustration that I have to work tomorrow because I don’t have any leave! Bummer

2006-12-23T17:40:00.000+08:00

Hello there

I just realized how much I missed not being able to blog. Something is really screwed with blogspot from my house internet connection. The server is so damn slow that each time I try to log in to post a post, the site just hangs.

Christmas is just two days away and I've been busy like hell. Been out carolling, baking cookies, cleaning the house -- all these without having leave. I work in the morning after carolling till 3am! Geeezzz to add things worst, I'm having bad flu and heavy mensus flows!

I'll try to blog tomorrow if not, merry christmas to all and hope to blog something really soon. I just hope and keep my fingers crossed that the server would be good like today otherwise I'll just get so pist with posting something

Goodnight!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

2006-12-12T01:40:00.000+08:00

So here goes,

Happy Birthday to ME! Happy Birthday to ME!!! Happy Birthday to ME, MYSELF and I!!!! Happy Birthday to ME! That was my first song to myself. The next would be LONELY, I’M SO LONELY, and THERE IS NO BODY TO CALL MY OWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN”.

I guess those few words would have already given many of you my state of mind the past few days. Being 27 today I’m just going mad. Feel like my life is just flopping and falling apart. Don’t really know the reason. Not sure if this is for the betterment or for the worst. Whatever it is, life is unpredictable just like the weather. Will just have to see what fate has for me.

Anyway Happy Birthday Cat and I love myself…….

Life!!!!!

2006-12-01T17:41:00.001+08:00

Friday, December 01, 2006

I’m turning 27 in two weeks. I’ve finished my degree but work as a clerk in a company. The pay is worst than any private firms would pay and yet I’ve got to struggle to survive, for this is the best in my hands for now. Can I be blamed for the job market being bad these days? Of course I can’t be.

I met a friend two weeks ago. She accompanied me at work. I had to go back to work on Saturday to clear up some things. It’s not like I get paid extra or overtime but just so I get to clear up my work. While with my friend, we managed to have some girl talk. My friend is older than me and both of us are single. She in a way understand what I’m going through for not many can understand the problems an Indian single girl face when she’s above 25, with education background and still single!

The past few weeks have been hell in my house. With problems with my jobless brother, another brother who is selfish and I being single at 27 seem to be just a burden in my parents’ site. My father has given me the green light to find a guy. It all seem so simple to them. I’ve got certain principles which I need to foresee in choosing my ideal partner. Well most guys go for slim slender looking women which sadly I am not. Yet one thing for sure, I’ve got so much to offer. I know I need to reduce for health reasons and I’m doing just that these days. My friends say I’m being very choosy. The question in my head is that, “why can’t I be when all the guys I know are!?”. Well she answered me rather without thinking, “well they’ve got it all to demand and you don’t have anything to demand”. I was just then thinking what bullshit it is all. A girl who has looks, money and everything can demand but not a poor, fat or chubby girl who has more to offer!. One minute I thought that was just rubbish but when I sit and ponder about it, it does make sense in this material world!.

Am I really very choosy? I sit and wonder. I seriously don’t think I am. Well all I look for a guy is that he must be Christian, non smoker, taller than me. Is this considered choosy? Maybe I should have a poll on this. ………

And your take would be?..................................................

A trip to FRIM

2006-11-28T05:01:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been on a group jungle trekking before? If you have never had a solid activity like this before I’d suggest you don’t get into one. I’m a little on the plum side. It’s been ages since I had a good exercise and I paid the price for it last Saturday when I went to FRIM. I came back with bad muscle pull! At the end of the day I was just happy that the journey was all worth it when my team got Number 2 for ‘Treasure Hunt’. The outing I made was with my office mates. It was really cool. Would I trek again? Well my answer is of course I would!! Just have to continue keeping fit now on so I don’t do anything to worry others. I know I made many people worry about me because there were times I was struggling. It’s just so cute sometimes to be pampered by people. Anyway it was a nice outing and would plan to go there soon again.

Weirdest time of life

2006-11-23T06:57:00.000+08:00

Have you been in an environment where you feel a little odd at things happening around you? Well I’ve had the weirdest experience of my entire life. I attended a boy’s 21st Birthday celebration. No doubt it was the first time I’ve been seeing the guy but I knew his family quite well. It was just a one weird funny feeling I felt that I don’t want to feel it for the rest of my life. So I was near the barbeque place with this just turning 21 year old boy. It was really weird because he hardly spoke to me! I had to ask him a question which is like 10 words long but he replies in one word kind of sentence. That was utterly weird for me. It made me look as if I was very unfriendly or had the word ‘annoying ghost’ written all over my face. It was definitely the weirdest time of my life!

RM20000 BABY

2006-11-16T11:54:00.000+08:00

I heard a life story today and was surprised. A colleague of mine had a baby boy. I was so happy when she had her baby because it was after a long time that she delivered. I bumped into her today and was telling my ex colleague that I’m so happy for her and was wondering when she was going to have her second kid. Then my ex colleague just blurted “if she can afford 20000 again then she can”.

The thought of RM20000 just struck me. Life is just so full of mystery when you sit and think. I come from very orthodox Indian background. It’s always the case when a girl reaches 25 and if she’s still single, the community talks as to why the girl is not married. Just when you think the mouth will stop which is doesn’t, it starts of another question, “so long married, why don’t want to have a kid ah?” This may seem like the next best question to ask but the mystery behind it could be a painful story. Some couples want to have kids but nothing seem to happen. When questions like this are posted to their direction it costs a lot of damages mentally for those involve.

I was told this colleague of mine had a problem. The husband had to donate his sperm to the sperm bank first and then the sperms are injected to her uterus. I think this is something like the In-vitro baby process. The cost of that is RM20000.00. She was lucky to have the process successful and have a very healthy baby. I question myself…. “Would I have spent that much to have a baby of my own? If I had not then would I have opted for the next best option which would be adoption?”

I guess it’s easier said then done when you think of it all. What I can say is that, that boy… is definitely one lucky kid to have such loving parents. As for me, well I have nothing to say at this point. I shall save my comments when I cross that bridge. For now, He's considered a RM20000.00 BABY. Wish him and his parents all the best.

TRIP TO MALACCA

2006-10-25T13:06:00.001+08:00

“Selamat Hari Raya” to all my Muslim friends and readers. Thinking yesterday was the first day of Raya, I actually sent out all the raya wishes by sms yesterday only to realize later part of the evening it was today.. hehe… a blunder I made.. Must be the long holidays coming all at once.! (smiles)

Anyway, last week my friend called and asked me how about planning a trip to Cameron or Malacca. Knowing my family, I told him I don’t mind a day trip with no overnights. With much hesitation and disappointment he agreed.

I know Suresh 3 years ago through my friend Anita. Well since it’s been a long time since the 3 of us got together, so we decided to take a drive down on Raya day. I’m sure many are already asking how did I manage my parents, Right? Hehehe. I think I’m beginning to be a good mind reader now. Hehe. Anyway I simply told my mother I’m going to Malacca with 3 other girls who are Shobana, Tanu and Anita. Being a mother, my mum caused a big drama in my house the night before to discourage me from going but somehow I managed to still go.

I got ready by 6.15am and made my brother drop me in the commuter station so I can hop into the 6.35am train. I reached KLSentral by 7.15am. On my way Suresh called me and told me he’ll pick me up from KLSentral. About 8.15, Suresh came with Anita, and we went to Naga’s (an Indian restaurant in Brickfields) for breakfast. I hardly kept track on what time we left but all I know is that by 10.45am we were already walking on the streets of Malacca.

Overall the trip was good. For the first time I managed to blend my two personalities together. I would say it went a little mad because Anita mentioned the name of my ex-boyfriend which brought back both fond and haunted memories. I was home by 8.30. Before sending me home we stopped again in Naga’s for a drink.

As I mention, I had lots of unforgettable memories in this trip. The chats we had, the little flirting I did, will definitely be a memory in my head. There were a few things that happened on our way back. The annoying childish argument I had with Suresh and also the little flirting I did in order to patch things up after that are definately small memories in me. I just hope my harmless flirting with him had not offended him in any way.

Anyway when I reached home, I had a good bath and while lying on my bed I started to ponder on my day. I came to realize how much I have missed having a good clean fun. I should do this more often but already can foresee my mum's reaction to it all. Yet end of the day what counts most is that I had a great time and just hope my friends enjoyed my company as well.

DEEPAVALI

2006-10-21T12:04:00.000+08:00

So it’s Deepavali today! Happy Deepavali to all friends and readers who are celebrating. I visited a lot of houses today. Went to Pravina’s house this morning. Then went to Prema’s house, Uncle Baldev’s place, Ranita’s and also Uncle Salam’s. There goes my diet. Was on heavy diet during the Puasa month and managed to loose 4kg. Just so sad that now I got to start from square one. Geezzzzzzzzzzz……

Dual Personalities

2006-10-20T12:03:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago, I had been cornered by a chatter friend who said she was intrigued by my dual personality life. I was very annoyed with her in the beginning but started reassessing my life when I was questioned about the same thing by a few others. Am I really leading two personalities or more!? I seriously wonder……

I come from a very Indian orthodox Christian family. My mother flares in anger with words like love marriage, boyfriend and dating. She’s more into cast, arranged marriage and very typical in her way of thinking. Her mindset can’t be applied in this modern era but she can’t be changed. She thinks having a cup of coffee with a guy friend is a sin. For this reason I portray innocent in front of my parents.

Who am I really? Will people learn to accept me if I were to be my true self? I think many won’t. I’m actually this not so innocent girl but very shy in front of certain crowd. I can’t be my open self in front of people for I’m crowded with more the typical type of people. I’m afraid I’ll have many jaws fall open wide! What I can do is I can try but not sure how to blend my wild open side to my homely traditional side. I just hope my future with my guy would be an open one.

I pray daily that I may find someone who would accept me the way I am and rescue me from this cubical I shut myself in due to respect of traditions and religion. Only time can answer my prayers…..

WATCH OUT WHAT U ADVICE

2006-10-03T12:02:00.000+08:00

Friends, near and far have been giving me lots of comments about how I need to get whole of my life and crave for freedom to live the way I want to and not be bothered about what my parents think for a long time. Honestly speaking I care what my parents think because they are MY parents and not some outsider. Call me a ‘kolot’ or ‘kampung’ and I’ll just smile away. I don’t care what you think but just that you are not in my situation to tell me what you think of what I should do with my life. If u lived my life then perhaps you will know what’s happening to me. So for those who have not lived my life I suggest you just shut up or think before commenting! Sorry for being rude but at some point we have to draw the lines as to it is very irritating and makes me feel even sad that at point my parents are looked as if they were some control freak. Well I’ll be honest that they are but they have reasons for it only I can understand.

MC and MOVIE

2006-09-07T17:07:00.000+08:00

So today I took MC. Two days ago my bladdy Monitor died on me and we got to change the monitor. Since then my freaking Migrane got back to me. I've been telling my doctors I'm having migrane for the longest time but they kept denying it saying I'm just stressed or thinking too much. Today when I went for my check up and they say I'm having Migrane. I think I give better prescriptions of sickness....

Anyway, I came home about 8.45am after seeing the doc, had my bath, had a panadol and took the train to MIDVALLEY!. Yeah I had migrane but i was still able to catch two back to back movies in the theatre....

I watched MySUPERExGF and also CLICK. It was very hillarious. Somehow, I laughed and laughed and guess what, I'm home now at 6.45pm without a migrane. Whoever said laughter was the best medicine must have had bad bladdy migranes!!! :) Anyway it was a nice outing with my friend Jenny. Had fun meeting up with her.MC for a movie!!! heheheh hopefully no one sues me in the office for this! :)

MERDEKA DINNER

2006-08-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

So every year my housing area has a gathering and celebrates a few occasions together. During Chinese New year, all the Chinese resident of my residence will jointly invite all the rest of the community to celebrate with them Chinese New Year at our Taman Club House. This is the same for Deepavali and Christmas. But for Merdeka and also New Year, every household in the Taman will contribute and give the dinner. So for this Merdeka, one family paid about RM50.00. It was nice, we had Satay, Mee Hoon, Tosai, Putumayam, Mutton, Chicken, wine and sausages, chicken wings, and a few others I never got a hold off because I ran back to layan my friend’s sms.

It was good though. Managed to disturb one baby who could not get enough of me and was crying while I was leaving home. He was damn cute….. Will I ever have a little rascal on my own someday? I wonder………………………………………………………….

2006-06-04T12:10:00.001+08:00

So it's the school holidays again. Many people with children would be thinking what to do, where to go with their kids in order the kids get the holidays they deserve after striving very hard to work their butts off at studies!! For some playful kids, this holiday is just slightly better than the normal school days for they are the lazy, playful ones.Last weekend I spent the night at Cititel hotel. I spent it with my collegue (who lost her husband) and their 11 year old son. I'll say I'm close to the boy. So we checked in the hotel at about 5pm. Funny how I left the turning to the hotel car park and I had to make one big round passing Brickfields all over again. For those who wants to stay in Cititel, Midvalley, the catch to their parking lot is..... You pass the hotel lobby and then as you come down to head the road immediately turn to your left and that's the hotel parking.

I left my collegue at the lobby and took her 11 year old to park the car. Well thank GOD we found a car park. And then we checked in the hotel. Had a short nap. At 8.00pm we left for the food court and had mixed rice plus ice-kacang. Damn was I stuffed. I booked a 9.30 show for "Over the hedge". It was a very good children movie I would say. I truly enjoyed it with the boy while his mother just dozed off at the theatre. I can't blame her because she was tired due to the medication she took.Movie was over by 11.00 and we got back to the hotel.

Next day we went for breakfast at 8.30am. We had breakfast at the hotel. Stuffed ourselves again and then waited for my other collegue to join us with her daughter, neice and nephew. They reached about 10am. We then walked to the GSC to watch "Poseidon" 11am show. Its just sad how one hero had to die end of that show... I loved the HERO though!. The guy who acted in SWEET HOME ALABAMA.... damn he is so cute especially HIS SMILE!!!!. WOW!!!!. Anyway you wanna know who died.... go watch the movie. It's worth watching...

The trip all ended very fast. After the movie I moved home straight. Reached home by 3.00pm and slept off till about 6.30pm. I enjoyed every single moment with the boy. He was indeed happy and I'm glad at least I made him smile and made his day.....

BLACK TUESDAY

2006-05-11T11:59:00.000+08:00

Tuesday to Thursday (21st November – 23rd November), I was sent for a course. This is called a mandatory course where one needs to sit for some papers in order to be considered for a future promotion. Somehow I got my parent’s permission to stay out during this duration of course and surprisingly they agreed. Tuesday morning I was feeling very uneasy. Surprisingly I was not hungry. I just felt really gloomy and down. I thought perhaps I’d be hungry during lunch but yet another surprise, I was not. No breakfast and no lunch and I still felt very full and restless.

Just as I was reassessing myself as to what could have triggered my weird feeling for the day suddenly I received a call from my office mate Janagi. Janagi asked me if I heard from my ex colleague Devi from morning and I said No! Asking her further about why is Jan suddenly looking for Devi, Jan just paused and said “Cat…..”. My immediate reaction was “NO!!!” and Jan replied ‘YES’. I was speechless for one minute and I could hear tears in Jan’s voice. I asked how and she replied she was not sure but all she knew was that Devi fainted and was left unconscious. To verify things I called Devi’s hand phone and it was picked by her sister in law and she told me the news that my good friend and ex colleague had passed. I just could not believe the news. I have blog’d a few months ago about the passing of her husband, Uncle S and I’ve also mentioned about spending the school holidays with her and her 11 year old son and our stay in Cititel. I just can’t believe it. She called me the day earlier and told me she won’t be at office saying she’s going to the court to get the hearing of her husband’s LA. Her husband did not leave a will and that was what the court hearing was about. She went to the courthouse with her lawyer and her 11 year old boy. Her lawyer dropped her and her son at the entrance of the courthouse and went to park his car. When he arrived Devi was unconscious, she fainted and just fell and lost a lot of blood. She passed on her way to the hospital. Friends assumed she must have had some heart problems as she’s been having breathing difficulties for the longest time. Her son also said that she vomited blood a few days earlier but she just warned him not to tell anyone.

From the time of her husband’s death she kept telling daily that she can’t live without her husband and how she wants to go to where he has gone. Just never knew it would really happen so soon. I went to her house that evening. I arrived at 5.30 but the body had not arrived. The son looked very quiet and calm. I was not sure how to console him. Her mother still alive was crying at one corner. The whole situation got worst when the body arrived at 7.30pm. I could not bear to see her lying there. Memories of how we use to talk all came back. I left her place at 8.30pm. I just could not take it. The funeral took place the next day at 2pm. I was at my course and just could not go for the funeral. I felt really bad. Whenever she use to tell her about her death, at times when I get annoyed I’d reply her saying “ don’t worry if anything were to happen to you I’d take a day off and be there by your side”. I wish I could tell her sorry for I can’t make it. I could not sleep the whole night thinking of her and her kid. Things got worst when I heard that her son was adopted. I never knew this till now. I’ve got so many things to ask Devi but she’s no longer here.

I was told not to grieve too much for a death or they will not rest in peace. I don’t grieve but the memories are just something that will live in me. I will miss her. I just pray and hope everything will be fine with her adopted son.

BLACK SATURDAY

2006-04-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

THis past 3 weeks I've been constantly making visits to this one particular Hospital to visit my friend's husband who was admitted in the ICU. Sadly Uncle did not survive. He passed on Saturday the 8th. Weird how so many deaths took place on this day. Two other collegue and friend lost their father on the same day yet I felt most with the passing of Uncle S.
I knew uncle for almost 4 years now through his wife. His wife and I used to work together but now she's transferred to another place. He was a very nice, jovial, interesting man. I remember spending nights over their house and I always had fun with their 11 year old son, Kabi. I just love squishing the little one (smiles). Such a perfect family now torn apart with the word DEATH!

The last I stayed in their house was about few months ago and in the morning while uncle was sending me to the office he was advising me to get married early and not late like he and his wife did. He was going on and on about the effects of late marriage including not able to bear more children.... Those were actually his last spoken words to me.
Till today I can't accept the fact that he's gone. I remember his wife had a mild stroke in 2002. He was the pillar to her recovery. On of the things he did that actually moved me to tears even today was that, I was told unlce would climb up the Batu Caves steps with his knees and then when he reaches the top, he would break down and pray. He was indeed a loving man who cared so much for his family and it is for him that his wife now drives with speedy recovery from her stroke.

Doctors diagnosed uncle's death to be too much toxication but I have my serious doubts. When I tell people about my doubts they would say "if a man is fated to go, nothing can stop it!". They are right in a way but explanations must be acceptable. My deepest question would be how can a man with a stone in his bladder end in high toxication after his surgery? Question I can only ask but never get an answer too. I asked this very similar question when my ex passed 4 years ago.. At that point I asked.... how can a guy with wisdom tooth extraction diagnosed as a leukimia patient when he was a Doctor himself and he didn't know!!!!? Life is just so unfair! My heart aches each time I see people in their 80 's still living strong while God punishes the good and younger ones!

No matter what my anger is, I can't bring the dead back to life! I looked really stupid trying to console uncle's wife telling her to be strong always for I know her pain is something no one can comfort except for the man she has lost. I speak this out of experiance and hence know the suffering of loosing the one you love and care and nothing anyone says will ever heal the broken heart.....................