FINAL POST

Dear friends ,

I'm migrating my blog to www.meandmyinnerself.blogspot.com.

See u guyz there. Thanks

Me

Hello all the way from BALI

Hello all......

I manage to get a cyber cafe and thought I should do a blog from here. Weather is great and beaches are so clean and not forgetting the air is so fresh. Definately somethings I would not regret being here.

I am glad to be here though I do not deny being homesick at this point of time. But I know one thing now about me, I cannot do spontaneous tours and it has to be preplanned and prebooked from home. Otherwise I am just a cranky annoying person.

I pity my friend Anu who is going through a lot of stress at this point because I am not helping. Perhaps this will be our last trip together and perhaps not. But all I would say is that this trip has brought me to my reality self which is I am ANNOYING, BORING and partly STUPID.

No idea what I am writing here but I got to go now becaus its time to visit more places. God be with me and Anu for we have another 4 days to go together and hope this does not ruin a friendship we have...

Bye now and missing u all at home

Time Waits for No MAN!

It’s true how the saying goes. Time is something I’ve been jealous off this past few weeks. I’ve hardly had good rest due to work and social life. In fact I don’t have a social life for all the time I have is dumped into my work.

I just can’t wait to get my long waited break to explore Bali. Not forgetting this weekend Reunion with ex classmates whom I’ve not met for 18 years! Hopefully this will be something great and adventurous to kick me back to a fun loving life than just dreadful misery of work work work and work.

Not sure what I’m typing here… anyway just can’t wait for this weekend and next week to be over with….

A Legend is Gone

Yesterday I had very bad migraine that it was twitching and drying my eyes. The first thing I did when I got home was to just spend 10 minutes chatting with my parents, had two slice of bread for dinner, had my shower, set my alarm to 12midnight and headed the bed.

The usual me, I just shut off the alarm that rang at 12midnight. To my surprise I just got up at about 1am and was tossing about on my bed. I could not close my eyes even knowing I had cancelled my plans of watching Michael Jackson’s memorial live as I was sure it would be available via YouTube. NOP! No matter how much I pampered myself back to bed I just could not.

Finally 1.45am I thought “what the heck” … I got up and just tuned in to CNN. By end of 3.45am I was really glad I stayed up to watch the memorial service of our one and only KING of POP, Michael Jackson!!! I was truly moved at the performances and speeches presented by all those who were present. Just many Goosebumps moment for especially Usher, John Mayer’s guitar performance for Human Nature just simply magnificent and the finale song Heal the World by all are just a few to name. Though Rev Staples, Congresswomen Sheila Jackson Lee, Smokey Robinson, Marlon Jackson and Magic Johnson made very emotional and good memories speech of the King of Pop, yet it was his 11 year old girl’s speech that moved me to tears. Paris Katherine Jackson said “Ever since I was born, daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine. And I just wanted to say I love him so much.".

I grew up by listening to Michael Jackson’s songs. His music has touched my soul and I know it has in the hearts, mind and souls of many zillion others. Looking back to what I saw this morning I was thinking “could he have really done that thing that has tarnished his name so much?” To me personally he was a great entertainer, a great musician and I can say this because we don’t hear songs like those being made these days. If you had followed the memorial with me, I know you will agree that his songs seem to have a sequence of story in his entire albums just like Congresswomen Sheila said. She explained many people don’t understand the hearts of entertainers citing that his songs from Bad to Heal the World speaks about MJ as a compassion soul who cares for the world.

I just wished Michael would have lived to see all that is happening now. To see how much people still do love him and cherish what he has done and how many lives he has touched with his music and contribution. Just sad that people never appreciated him when he was alive after rumors about his molestation and abused of children. He is gone now but I know one thing for sure, I will feel his presence whenever I hear his song for he lives with his music just like Elvis Presley. I end my blog with Smokey Robinson’s speech that says “He will never really be gone. He is going to live forever and ever and ever and ever."

No Words To Say

Last Saturday I was surprised by a call. It was the matchmaker! Well my only mistake is being born Indian in a conservative family!!! Well 30 and single seem to be looked like a family curse by people from the clan as I will say it again!!! NO! Please do not mistake me. I’m proud to be born Indian but to be looked down and low at just because I’m single at 30 is definitely not something I’m proud to be part of.

I’m a late bloomer I will say in the career line. I screwed up my first degree. Started as a clerk though finished my degree with just Higher Diploma for 4 years before reality and trust was earned back from my parents. With that I applied for PTPTN loan, which I am still financing till this stage and after 6 years I am now in the position I am in with a degree! Many people gasp when they hear I am 30 because they say I’m innocent and chatty like someone who still does not know the world! I mean what crap! But anyway this is the scenario, being single and bla bla my mother took me to meet a matchmaker in Ipoh.

Ok first intro done. The lady saw me and did comment about my weight which I will agree that I am big that will make any guy look like my son when I walk next to them. So that’s over and done with it. So stage one she introduced me to a guy who was 6 days younger than me. ONLY 6 DAYS WHAT!!!! Many will say and I will agree but there were other issues with that guy as well. He was stingy and did not believe in calling or smsing and he seemed not so keen and brought the issue of me being 6 days older into the picture! So, ok go fly kites was my reaction. Since then I’ve not heard from this lady and then suddenly Saturday she calls the house and tells my mum there’s guy No.2!!

When my mother told me the name of the guy I was like… could it be HIM? I mean I know a guy with that name through chat like 10 years ago!!! I remember him well because he took me out for lunch for my 21st birthday! MIND you!!! YES 21st BIRTHDAY and I’ll be 30 this year!!!!!. Anyway told my mother that I knew that guy and for some reason we’ve lost contact the past 4 years.

So he called me yesterday out of the blues. He really made an impression saying how well he remembers me and for one minute I was like “WOW” not bad this guy, he remembers me!! So he was sweet to say he wants to meet my parents and how I’ve known him since I was 21 and bla bla bla and that we should meet for a drink this Saturday and bla bla bla.

Today I got a call from the matchmaker and she asked me “girl, have u not lost weight?” and I was like, “aunty I have but I cannot say, u have to see me and judge me for that!” then she told me that the guy she intro me “tak jadi” or did not work because the boy’s mum called her and said I was too big for her son! I was like “WTF”!!!!!! I’m sorry for my rudeness and words I mean he was really sweet on the phone and I thought I really made an impression and guess I did make an impression on the wrong end!!

The thing that was disappointing is that this guy could have given an excuse as he knows me as a friend and so now to get into proposal is not a good idea and instead ambushed me with my weight! HELLO!!! I’m way lot smaller now compared to how he used to see me and he had put on way much weight from those days as well (scanned him on facebook). I mean I am just very surprised. He could have at least met up with me first before drawing conclusions! Anyway he is way shorter than me and I knew that but I didn’t want to tell the matchmakers anything because I did not want her to turn back to me and say “you’re already huge and it’s not right for you to ditch people off”!!!

I’m 30 people say and I should stop being choosy but how much more are they going to push me around? How much must I do to show I’m genuine!? I just don’t know what to say anymore. I am just so sad and disappointed that I can strangle the first person I meet!!! It’s really sad I tell you to be rejected just because you are fat!!! And knowing I was not even given a chance to show that I’ve lost tremendous weight and planning to reach my ideal weight in the next 5 months makes me feel like a whole lot of a loser!!!! This is just unfair and so hurting to even type anymore……………………

I think in the future I’ll tell the matchmaker to make an appointment for me to meet the guy straight first. If he thinks he likes me, we will talk otherwise he might as well FO! I think I’m worth more than just a toy!!!! I don’t think I’ve ever been this hurt to be this rude in my expression my entire life!!!!! But you would just not understand this situation unless you’ve been through it ………………………………………………

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO

A murder took place today near my neighborhood. The man who died is someone my family knows. Sometimes we question how and when but we don’t have the answer. Whether the man is good or bad is a secondary issue but to be shot dead and slashed at the same time making sure a victim is dead 100% I think is just too much of brutality. How does one walk safe after this? I’m even scared to walk in my own Taman!!!

I remember walking from town to my house those days after classes and feeling very safe all around. But now even my Taman got snatch thieves and it’s just so sad. What’s the world coming too I wonder…….. To add things worst I’m still single. Don’t have a fallback!!! Grrrr … wished that knight of shining armour is somewhere nearby!!!!!

Short Stories

As usual yesterday was Thursday. Met Priscilla at the mamak next to church before Choir practice. Was sharing with her my day at Uniten and also my crazy staff and she just chuckled and said "Akka why your life so comedic one". That's when I told her maybe I should write short stories about my life and she said YES! (smile). Hmmmm I think I'm going to write it! But would the writing me be for ME alone or for publication or general sharing..... I don't know for now. Let me just write and see how it goes.

To my neighbour uncle who's been checking day and night to see if i've updated my blog or not,hope he's happy upon seeing this updated blog!

Hope to update more soon!!

Standard 6 Gathering

My GOD! what a night before!!!!!! Can't believe I actually met friends whom I've not met in 18 years!!!!!

Facebook is so cool!!! I just got back from the gathering and I'm still suprised about so many to even type it out. Perhaps will update when we have our bigger gathering!!!! Hrmm that's what we are planning for, for now.

LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED

It's been sometime since I blogged. I'm sure many are not suprised as blogging seem to be a phase for me. These past few months things have been very challenging for me. From work to personal life and to friendship.... you just name it and i have a story for it and i forsee more challenging events in all areas over the next few months. Sometimes one goes through too much that they can't say much. I guess i'm in that phase now and the below says it all

WHY WHY WHY
WHEN WHEN WHEN
WHO WHO WHO
WHERE WHERE WHERE
Is all the questions in my mind

Yet life goes on
Let the words be thrown
Let the pressure come
And may it all move by
As fast as the cylone wind without returning

A Lesson Well Learnt

I stayed out the last two days and that has taught me a lot about things. My overall summary would be, NEVER make myself too low or beg to get things and never trust anyone's words. MONEY is always the insight of true friendships and character testing. In blunt, never trust anyone. If anyone wants anything from you, let them do the search, let them do the run, let them do the beg,plead and cry. I shall bow no more. I shall hurt no more. I shall stop it all. It's time to change the wind and wheel. Some may be wondering what I'm blabbering about here but for some..... you should know what I mean................