Hello there

I just realized how much I missed not being able to blog. Something is really screwed with blogspot from my house internet connection. The server is so damn slow that each time I try to log in to post a post, the site just hangs.

Christmas is just two days away and I've been busy like hell. Been out carolling, baking cookies, cleaning the house -- all these without having leave. I work in the morning after carolling till 3am! Geeezzz to add things worst, I'm having bad flu and heavy mensus flows!

I'll try to blog tomorrow if not, merry christmas to all and hope to blog something really soon. I just hope and keep my fingers crossed that the server would be good like today otherwise I'll just get so pist with posting something

Goodnight!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

So here goes,

Happy Birthday to ME! Happy Birthday to ME!!! Happy Birthday to ME, MYSELF and I!!!! Happy Birthday to ME! That was my first song to myself. The next would be LONELY, I’M SO LONELY, and THERE IS NO BODY TO CALL MY OWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN”.

I guess those few words would have already given many of you my state of mind the past few days. Being 27 today I’m just going mad. Feel like my life is just flopping and falling apart. Don’t really know the reason. Not sure if this is for the betterment or for the worst. Whatever it is, life is unpredictable just like the weather. Will just have to see what fate has for me.

Anyway Happy Birthday Cat and I love myself…….

Life!!!!!

Friday, December 01, 2006


I’m turning 27 in two weeks. I’ve finished my degree but work as a clerk in a company. The pay is worst than any private firms would pay and yet I’ve got to struggle to survive, for this is the best in my hands for now. Can I be blamed for the job market being bad these days? Of course I can’t be.

I met a friend two weeks ago. She accompanied me at work. I had to go back to work on Saturday to clear up some things. It’s not like I get paid extra or overtime but just so I get to clear up my work. While with my friend, we managed to have some girl talk. My friend is older than me and both of us are single. She in a way understand what I’m going through for not many can understand the problems an Indian single girl face when she’s above 25, with education background and still single!

The past few weeks have been hell in my house. With problems with my jobless brother, another brother who is selfish and I being single at 27 seem to be just a burden in my parents’ site. My father has given me the green light to find a guy. It all seem so simple to them. I’ve got certain principles which I need to foresee in choosing my ideal partner. Well most guys go for slim slender looking women which sadly I am not. Yet one thing for sure, I’ve got so much to offer. I know I need to reduce for health reasons and I’m doing just that these days. My friends say I’m being very choosy. The question in my head is that, “why can’t I be when all the guys I know are!?”. Well she answered me rather without thinking, “well they’ve got it all to demand and you don’t have anything to demand”. I was just then thinking what bullshit it is all. A girl who has looks, money and everything can demand but not a poor, fat or chubby girl who has more to offer!. One minute I thought that was just rubbish but when I sit and ponder about it, it does make sense in this material world!.

Am I really very choosy? I sit and wonder. I seriously don’t think I am. Well all I look for a guy is that he must be Christian, non smoker, taller than me. Is this considered choosy? Maybe I should have a poll on this. ………

And your take would be?..................................................

A trip to FRIM

Have you ever been on a group jungle trekking before? If you have never had a solid activity like this before I’d suggest you don’t get into one. I’m a little on the plum side. It’s been ages since I had a good exercise and I paid the price for it last Saturday when I went to FRIM. I came back with bad muscle pull! At the end of the day I was just happy that the journey was all worth it when my team got Number 2 for ‘Treasure Hunt’. The outing I made was with my office mates. It was really cool. Would I trek again? Well my answer is of course I would!! Just have to continue keeping fit now on so I don’t do anything to worry others. I know I made many people worry about me because there were times I was struggling. It’s just so cute sometimes to be pampered by people. Anyway it was a nice outing and would plan to go there soon again.

Weirdest time of life

Have you been in an environment where you feel a little odd at things happening around you? Well I’ve had the weirdest experience of my entire life. I attended a boy’s 21st Birthday celebration. No doubt it was the first time I’ve been seeing the guy but I knew his family quite well. It was just a one weird funny feeling I felt that I don’t want to feel it for the rest of my life. So I was near the barbeque place with this just turning 21 year old boy. It was really weird because he hardly spoke to me! I had to ask him a question which is like 10 words long but he replies in one word kind of sentence. That was utterly weird for me. It made me look as if I was very unfriendly or had the word ‘annoying ghost’ written all over my face. It was definitely the weirdest time of my life!

RM20000 BABY

I heard a life story today and was surprised. A colleague of mine had a baby boy. I was so happy when she had her baby because it was after a long time that she delivered. I bumped into her today and was telling my ex colleague that I’m so happy for her and was wondering when she was going to have her second kid. Then my ex colleague just blurted “if she can afford 20000 again then she can”.

The thought of RM20000 just struck me. Life is just so full of mystery when you sit and think. I come from very orthodox Indian background. It’s always the case when a girl reaches 25 and if she’s still single, the community talks as to why the girl is not married. Just when you think the mouth will stop which is doesn’t, it starts of another question, “so long married, why don’t want to have a kid ah?” This may seem like the next best question to ask but the mystery behind it could be a painful story. Some couples want to have kids but nothing seem to happen. When questions like this are posted to their direction it costs a lot of damages mentally for those involve.

I was told this colleague of mine had a problem. The husband had to donate his sperm to the sperm bank first and then the sperms are injected to her uterus. I think this is something like the In-vitro baby process. The cost of that is RM20000.00. She was lucky to have the process successful and have a very healthy baby. I question myself…. “Would I have spent that much to have a baby of my own? If I had not then would I have opted for the next best option which would be adoption?”

I guess it’s easier said then done when you think of it all. What I can say is that, that boy… is definitely one lucky kid to have such loving parents. As for me, well I have nothing to say at this point. I shall save my comments when I cross that bridge. For now, He's considered a RM20000.00 BABY. Wish him and his parents all the best.

TRIP TO MALACCA

“Selamat Hari Raya” to all my Muslim friends and readers. Thinking yesterday was the first day of Raya, I actually sent out all the raya wishes by sms yesterday only to realize later part of the evening it was today.. hehe… a blunder I made.. Must be the long holidays coming all at once.! (smiles)

Anyway, last week my friend called and asked me how about planning a trip to Cameron or Malacca. Knowing my family, I told him I don’t mind a day trip with no overnights. With much hesitation and disappointment he agreed.

I know Suresh 3 years ago through my friend Anita. Well since it’s been a long time since the 3 of us got together, so we decided to take a drive down on Raya day. I’m sure many are already asking how did I manage my parents, Right? Hehehe. I think I’m beginning to be a good mind reader now. Hehe. Anyway I simply told my mother I’m going to Malacca with 3 other girls who are Shobana, Tanu and Anita. Being a mother, my mum caused a big drama in my house the night before to discourage me from going but somehow I managed to still go.

I got ready by 6.15am and made my brother drop me in the commuter station so I can hop into the 6.35am train. I reached KLSentral by 7.15am. On my way Suresh called me and told me he’ll pick me up from KLSentral. About 8.15, Suresh came with Anita, and we went to Naga’s (an Indian restaurant in Brickfields) for breakfast. I hardly kept track on what time we left but all I know is that by 10.45am we were already walking on the streets of Malacca.

Overall the trip was good. For the first time I managed to blend my two personalities together. I would say it went a little mad because Anita mentioned the name of my ex-boyfriend which brought back both fond and haunted memories. I was home by 8.30. Before sending me home we stopped again in Naga’s for a drink.

As I mention, I had lots of unforgettable memories in this trip. The chats we had, the little flirting I did, will definitely be a memory in my head. There were a few things that happened on our way back. The annoying childish argument I had with Suresh and also the little flirting I did in order to patch things up after that are definately small memories in me. I just hope my harmless flirting with him had not offended him in any way.

Anyway when I reached home, I had a good bath and while lying on my bed I started to ponder on my day. I came to realize how much I have missed having a good clean fun. I should do this more often but already can foresee my mum's reaction to it all. Yet end of the day what counts most is that I had a great time and just hope my friends enjoyed my company as well.

DEEPAVALI

So it’s Deepavali today! Happy Deepavali to all friends and readers who are celebrating. I visited a lot of houses today. Went to Pravina’s house this morning. Then went to Prema’s house, Uncle Baldev’s place, Ranita’s and also Uncle Salam’s. There goes my diet. Was on heavy diet during the Puasa month and managed to loose 4kg. Just so sad that now I got to start from square one. Geezzzzzzzzzzz……

Dual Personalities

A few weeks ago, I had been cornered by a chatter friend who said she was intrigued by my dual personality life. I was very annoyed with her in the beginning but started reassessing my life when I was questioned about the same thing by a few others. Am I really leading two personalities or more!? I seriously wonder……

I come from a very Indian orthodox Christian family. My mother flares in anger with words like love marriage, boyfriend and dating. She’s more into cast, arranged marriage and very typical in her way of thinking. Her mindset can’t be applied in this modern era but she can’t be changed. She thinks having a cup of coffee with a guy friend is a sin. For this reason I portray innocent in front of my parents.

Who am I really? Will people learn to accept me if I were to be my true self? I think many won’t. I’m actually this not so innocent girl but very shy in front of certain crowd. I can’t be my open self in front of people for I’m crowded with more the typical type of people. I’m afraid I’ll have many jaws fall open wide! What I can do is I can try but not sure how to blend my wild open side to my homely traditional side. I just hope my future with my guy would be an open one.

I pray daily that I may find someone who would accept me the way I am and rescue me from this cubical I shut myself in due to respect of traditions and religion. Only time can answer my prayers…..

WATCH OUT WHAT U ADVICE

Friends, near and far have been giving me lots of comments about how I need to get whole of my life and crave for freedom to live the way I want to and not be bothered about what my parents think for a long time. Honestly speaking I care what my parents think because they are MY parents and not some outsider. Call me a ‘kolot’ or ‘kampung’ and I’ll just smile away. I don’t care what you think but just that you are not in my situation to tell me what you think of what I should do with my life. If u lived my life then perhaps you will know what’s happening to me. So for those who have not lived my life I suggest you just shut up or think before commenting! Sorry for being rude but at some point we have to draw the lines as to it is very irritating and makes me feel even sad that at point my parents are looked as if they were some control freak. Well I’ll be honest that they are but they have reasons for it only I can understand.