No Words To Say

Last Saturday I was surprised by a call. It was the matchmaker! Well my only mistake is being born Indian in a conservative family!!! Well 30 and single seem to be looked like a family curse by people from the clan as I will say it again!!! NO! Please do not mistake me. I’m proud to be born Indian but to be looked down and low at just because I’m single at 30 is definitely not something I’m proud to be part of.

I’m a late bloomer I will say in the career line. I screwed up my first degree. Started as a clerk though finished my degree with just Higher Diploma for 4 years before reality and trust was earned back from my parents. With that I applied for PTPTN loan, which I am still financing till this stage and after 6 years I am now in the position I am in with a degree! Many people gasp when they hear I am 30 because they say I’m innocent and chatty like someone who still does not know the world! I mean what crap! But anyway this is the scenario, being single and bla bla my mother took me to meet a matchmaker in Ipoh.

Ok first intro done. The lady saw me and did comment about my weight which I will agree that I am big that will make any guy look like my son when I walk next to them. So that’s over and done with it. So stage one she introduced me to a guy who was 6 days younger than me. ONLY 6 DAYS WHAT!!!! Many will say and I will agree but there were other issues with that guy as well. He was stingy and did not believe in calling or smsing and he seemed not so keen and brought the issue of me being 6 days older into the picture! So, ok go fly kites was my reaction. Since then I’ve not heard from this lady and then suddenly Saturday she calls the house and tells my mum there’s guy No.2!!

When my mother told me the name of the guy I was like… could it be HIM? I mean I know a guy with that name through chat like 10 years ago!!! I remember him well because he took me out for lunch for my 21st birthday! MIND you!!! YES 21st BIRTHDAY and I’ll be 30 this year!!!!!. Anyway told my mother that I knew that guy and for some reason we’ve lost contact the past 4 years.

So he called me yesterday out of the blues. He really made an impression saying how well he remembers me and for one minute I was like “WOW” not bad this guy, he remembers me!! So he was sweet to say he wants to meet my parents and how I’ve known him since I was 21 and bla bla bla and that we should meet for a drink this Saturday and bla bla bla.

Today I got a call from the matchmaker and she asked me “girl, have u not lost weight?” and I was like, “aunty I have but I cannot say, u have to see me and judge me for that!” then she told me that the guy she intro me “tak jadi” or did not work because the boy’s mum called her and said I was too big for her son! I was like “WTF”!!!!!! I’m sorry for my rudeness and words I mean he was really sweet on the phone and I thought I really made an impression and guess I did make an impression on the wrong end!!

The thing that was disappointing is that this guy could have given an excuse as he knows me as a friend and so now to get into proposal is not a good idea and instead ambushed me with my weight! HELLO!!! I’m way lot smaller now compared to how he used to see me and he had put on way much weight from those days as well (scanned him on facebook). I mean I am just very surprised. He could have at least met up with me first before drawing conclusions! Anyway he is way shorter than me and I knew that but I didn’t want to tell the matchmakers anything because I did not want her to turn back to me and say “you’re already huge and it’s not right for you to ditch people off”!!!

I’m 30 people say and I should stop being choosy but how much more are they going to push me around? How much must I do to show I’m genuine!? I just don’t know what to say anymore. I am just so sad and disappointed that I can strangle the first person I meet!!! It’s really sad I tell you to be rejected just because you are fat!!! And knowing I was not even given a chance to show that I’ve lost tremendous weight and planning to reach my ideal weight in the next 5 months makes me feel like a whole lot of a loser!!!! This is just unfair and so hurting to even type anymore……………………

I think in the future I’ll tell the matchmaker to make an appointment for me to meet the guy straight first. If he thinks he likes me, we will talk otherwise he might as well FO! I think I’m worth more than just a toy!!!! I don’t think I’ve ever been this hurt to be this rude in my expression my entire life!!!!! But you would just not understand this situation unless you’ve been through it ………………………………………………

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO

A murder took place today near my neighborhood. The man who died is someone my family knows. Sometimes we question how and when but we don’t have the answer. Whether the man is good or bad is a secondary issue but to be shot dead and slashed at the same time making sure a victim is dead 100% I think is just too much of brutality. How does one walk safe after this? I’m even scared to walk in my own Taman!!!

I remember walking from town to my house those days after classes and feeling very safe all around. But now even my Taman got snatch thieves and it’s just so sad. What’s the world coming too I wonder…….. To add things worst I’m still single. Don’t have a fallback!!! Grrrr … wished that knight of shining armour is somewhere nearby!!!!!

Short Stories

As usual yesterday was Thursday. Met Priscilla at the mamak next to church before Choir practice. Was sharing with her my day at Uniten and also my crazy staff and she just chuckled and said "Akka why your life so comedic one". That's when I told her maybe I should write short stories about my life and she said YES! (smile). Hmmmm I think I'm going to write it! But would the writing me be for ME alone or for publication or general sharing..... I don't know for now. Let me just write and see how it goes.

To my neighbour uncle who's been checking day and night to see if i've updated my blog or not,hope he's happy upon seeing this updated blog!

Hope to update more soon!!

Standard 6 Gathering

My GOD! what a night before!!!!!! Can't believe I actually met friends whom I've not met in 18 years!!!!!

Facebook is so cool!!! I just got back from the gathering and I'm still suprised about so many to even type it out. Perhaps will update when we have our bigger gathering!!!! Hrmm that's what we are planning for, for now.

LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED

It's been sometime since I blogged. I'm sure many are not suprised as blogging seem to be a phase for me. These past few months things have been very challenging for me. From work to personal life and to friendship.... you just name it and i have a story for it and i forsee more challenging events in all areas over the next few months. Sometimes one goes through too much that they can't say much. I guess i'm in that phase now and the below says it all

WHY WHY WHY
WHEN WHEN WHEN
WHO WHO WHO
WHERE WHERE WHERE
Is all the questions in my mind

Yet life goes on
Let the words be thrown
Let the pressure come
And may it all move by
As fast as the cylone wind without returning

A Lesson Well Learnt

I stayed out the last two days and that has taught me a lot about things. My overall summary would be, NEVER make myself too low or beg to get things and never trust anyone's words. MONEY is always the insight of true friendships and character testing. In blunt, never trust anyone. If anyone wants anything from you, let them do the search, let them do the run, let them do the beg,plead and cry. I shall bow no more. I shall hurt no more. I shall stop it all. It's time to change the wind and wheel. Some may be wondering what I'm blabbering about here but for some..... you should know what I mean................

Experiment

Hi there ,....

please bear with me as i explore and choose the right settings for my blog. I recently found out that we can actually change and edit the display settings... it's really cool causing more confusions as to what I want now. So bear with me as this experiment goes on and off.....

No idea....

My life with friends has been on a roller coaster lately. I just don’t know what I am doing wrong. When I confided in a friend, he said I’m just thinking too much and being a paranoid and overly sensitive. Maybe I am. Guess it’s time to be selfish. Weird, whenever I make a decision like this I still always get back to square one. Wish I had a punching bag with me to punch me back to reality each time I try to turn back the old sensitive me ways.

But one thing I’m happy is that, when I talk it out in a more relaxed way, things get solved rather than add some minor injuries like headache in the head and heart ache. I’m just typing here and not sure what this blog is all about……..

BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE

Happy Birthday Eswaran.....

MY FIRST EULOGY WRITING

MS LILY PAKIAM PONNIAH (18/09/1946 - 07/09/2008)


Good morning everyone. I stand here representing the family thanking everyone for your presence to my Athai’s funeral service. Miss Pakiam Ponniah or many would know her as Lily is my dad’s sister.

Lily Athai was born on Sept 18th 1946 in Banting. She is the 5th child in the family of 5 girls and 3 boys. Athai used to work for a company called UMW in Shah Alam.

It does not matter how we relate to Athai. For some among us, she’s a sister, for some an aunt, a grandma, a relative, a friend… but one thing about her that we would all agree on is that, she’s a gem of a person.

Lily Athai is a very friendly person. She could connect to anyone easily. She has always been the perfect host too. None of us went to visit her in her home ever left with a hungry stomach. She’s always happy to serve, cook and entertain everyone who visited her. She was never once selfish and always caress for everyone around her. She was like a friend at most time with everyone. The joy on her face is something I will remember and I’m sure you will too. I see her smile even as I speak.

She was like a mother to many especially her siblings and us – her nephews and nieces. She’s always advising and giving ideas on how to handle situations. She was definitely the shoulder to cry on for the some of us. A very kind woman who spoke her mind to resolve things but never took anything to heart. A very forgiving natured person she was.

Athai had a passion for writing. She has written Tamil articles for magazines, Tamil newspapers and some Christian magazines too. She was a very strong, brave and a very diet conscious person too. You should know if you saw how smooth her skin and how slim. Her recipe to healthy living is “Never take food from stalls. Cook at home it’s healthy”. She was indeed a great cook too.

Among all the great things to say about Athai, the greatest would be that she was a faithful servant and witness of Christ. She used to teach Sunday school in Carey Island and Batang Berjuntai in her younger days. It did not matter to her where she was, “CHRIST” and “JESUS”S LOVE” will always be a topic she never missed. Even when she was in the hospital, she ministered to most of the people around her. And that TRUE love for GOD and her faithfulness is something I’ll say has set a TRUE CHRISTIAN LIVING EXAMPLE.

Sept 7th, 12.15am, we received the news, we have lost Lily Athai. The news came up to us all like a shocking wave. But we know she has not gone far for she has returned to our heavenly Father’s home. Lily Athai, we will all miss you greatly today. The memories we’ve had will be cherished. Athai has fulfilled the bible verse 2 Timothy Chapter 4 verse 7, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith”. May her soul rest in peace.