Last Day for 2006

So it’s New Year’s Eve. While the whole of Malaysia and the World sit today and draw up their New Year’s resolution, I sit here adamant of not drawing my own. I already see many eyebrows frowning giving me the look I scare most. The look that I could be crazy!? Just thought to myself, what’s the point of drawing up resolutions when you don’t stick to it!!!? It’s the same thing with me every year! Each resolution I make, I seem to be only breaking it instead of improving myself better! Down the road it’s the same old thing, the same old me! So I’ve decided to allow nature take its lead for 2007.

Anyway I got an sms from my friend Anita asking me if I was free to meet her and Suresh again for a drink and I said why not since it’s been sometime since we 3 Brady bunch met!. Suresh being his usual enthusiasm might plan for a driving trip to somewhere where we leave in the morning and return by night fall. I felt bad of making him drive around. As it is, it’s a sacrifice he is making to drive all the way from Johor to meet us girls in KL. So I decided movie. Hopefully we can get a booking.

Okay, time to go get ready to go to church. I’m feeling nervous for I’ll be leading in church for praise and worship tonight. Never really sung a Tamil song in public in years. Hopefully everything works out well. For you all have a nice party time celebrating the last hours of 2006!

Boxing Day!!!!

So it’s the 26th of December. It’s also known as the Boxing Day. While everyone has taken long leave till the New Year, here I am working. Management of your leave is also important… this is the lesson I learnt for this year. I use to take half days and Mc’s just to keep my friends company for a movie and towards the end, I’m not appreciated. One of my New Year’s resolutions is definitely going to be living my life the way I want it. But of course I don’t see that happening on the wide scale as I’m still wrapped under my parent’s roof.

After work today my colleagues and I visited my ex-colleague’s house. Aunty Devi passed away last month of heart problems. It’s just so devastating and still is for many of us. Anyway my colleagues and I just went for a visit to visit her son and her mother. It was indeed a very different visit this time. I was indeed shock to hear one of the stories Devi’s mother told me. It seems someone stole all off Aunty Devi’s jewelry on her 30th prayer day. Those were the jewelry that aunty last used before she passed. It was indeed shocking. I’ve always seen these things in Tamil movie in the comedy parts whereby the joker will pretend to be a dead man’s relative and he’d mourn and slowly try to steal the person’s possessions but never knew it was possible in the reality. I at times now wonder if it was stolen or genuinely went missing. Maybe the unseen has worked its way. Mysteries, only aunty Devi can answer if she was still alive.

I’m just happy to see the son smiling at me the usual way. I bought him Ferrero Chocolates. He loved it and thanked me. I remember teasing the small boy about wearing pants that were air conditioned. Actually he had a rip right at his private (smiles). It was cute. One minute I wished he was my age… could have had bigger imaginations! Geezzzz I must really be getting old!. Anyway I’m glad that even though Devi is gone, her sister in law has given us the green light to visit Kabilan (Devi’s son) anytime we wish. For this reason I’m happy.

We Wish U a Very Christmas!!!!

So Christmas came and went by. There are just so many things that took place on that day. I had many visitors. I even had visitors who just dropped by to say Hello. I’m glad Jeya brought his wife and son. It’s was so cool to finally have a conversation with his Mrs. In fact it is the first time I’m talking to her. If you are wondering who is Jeya, then you should read my previous post of me attending his wedding… my ex classmate. Of course Anu came. Then I had Sugu Anne and his wife and his son, Prema brought her brother and her cousin sis whom I’ve not seen in donkey years. The house was practically crowded. I’m glad I had a nice Christmas. What a frustration that I have to work tomorrow because I don’t have any leave! Bummer

Hello there

I just realized how much I missed not being able to blog. Something is really screwed with blogspot from my house internet connection. The server is so damn slow that each time I try to log in to post a post, the site just hangs.

Christmas is just two days away and I've been busy like hell. Been out carolling, baking cookies, cleaning the house -- all these without having leave. I work in the morning after carolling till 3am! Geeezzz to add things worst, I'm having bad flu and heavy mensus flows!

I'll try to blog tomorrow if not, merry christmas to all and hope to blog something really soon. I just hope and keep my fingers crossed that the server would be good like today otherwise I'll just get so pist with posting something

Goodnight!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

So here goes,

Happy Birthday to ME! Happy Birthday to ME!!! Happy Birthday to ME, MYSELF and I!!!! Happy Birthday to ME! That was my first song to myself. The next would be LONELY, I’M SO LONELY, and THERE IS NO BODY TO CALL MY OWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN”.

I guess those few words would have already given many of you my state of mind the past few days. Being 27 today I’m just going mad. Feel like my life is just flopping and falling apart. Don’t really know the reason. Not sure if this is for the betterment or for the worst. Whatever it is, life is unpredictable just like the weather. Will just have to see what fate has for me.

Anyway Happy Birthday Cat and I love myself…….

Life!!!!!

Friday, December 01, 2006


I’m turning 27 in two weeks. I’ve finished my degree but work as a clerk in a company. The pay is worst than any private firms would pay and yet I’ve got to struggle to survive, for this is the best in my hands for now. Can I be blamed for the job market being bad these days? Of course I can’t be.

I met a friend two weeks ago. She accompanied me at work. I had to go back to work on Saturday to clear up some things. It’s not like I get paid extra or overtime but just so I get to clear up my work. While with my friend, we managed to have some girl talk. My friend is older than me and both of us are single. She in a way understand what I’m going through for not many can understand the problems an Indian single girl face when she’s above 25, with education background and still single!

The past few weeks have been hell in my house. With problems with my jobless brother, another brother who is selfish and I being single at 27 seem to be just a burden in my parents’ site. My father has given me the green light to find a guy. It all seem so simple to them. I’ve got certain principles which I need to foresee in choosing my ideal partner. Well most guys go for slim slender looking women which sadly I am not. Yet one thing for sure, I’ve got so much to offer. I know I need to reduce for health reasons and I’m doing just that these days. My friends say I’m being very choosy. The question in my head is that, “why can’t I be when all the guys I know are!?”. Well she answered me rather without thinking, “well they’ve got it all to demand and you don’t have anything to demand”. I was just then thinking what bullshit it is all. A girl who has looks, money and everything can demand but not a poor, fat or chubby girl who has more to offer!. One minute I thought that was just rubbish but when I sit and ponder about it, it does make sense in this material world!.

Am I really very choosy? I sit and wonder. I seriously don’t think I am. Well all I look for a guy is that he must be Christian, non smoker, taller than me. Is this considered choosy? Maybe I should have a poll on this. ………

And your take would be?..................................................

A trip to FRIM

Have you ever been on a group jungle trekking before? If you have never had a solid activity like this before I’d suggest you don’t get into one. I’m a little on the plum side. It’s been ages since I had a good exercise and I paid the price for it last Saturday when I went to FRIM. I came back with bad muscle pull! At the end of the day I was just happy that the journey was all worth it when my team got Number 2 for ‘Treasure Hunt’. The outing I made was with my office mates. It was really cool. Would I trek again? Well my answer is of course I would!! Just have to continue keeping fit now on so I don’t do anything to worry others. I know I made many people worry about me because there were times I was struggling. It’s just so cute sometimes to be pampered by people. Anyway it was a nice outing and would plan to go there soon again.

Weirdest time of life

Have you been in an environment where you feel a little odd at things happening around you? Well I’ve had the weirdest experience of my entire life. I attended a boy’s 21st Birthday celebration. No doubt it was the first time I’ve been seeing the guy but I knew his family quite well. It was just a one weird funny feeling I felt that I don’t want to feel it for the rest of my life. So I was near the barbeque place with this just turning 21 year old boy. It was really weird because he hardly spoke to me! I had to ask him a question which is like 10 words long but he replies in one word kind of sentence. That was utterly weird for me. It made me look as if I was very unfriendly or had the word ‘annoying ghost’ written all over my face. It was definitely the weirdest time of my life!

RM20000 BABY

I heard a life story today and was surprised. A colleague of mine had a baby boy. I was so happy when she had her baby because it was after a long time that she delivered. I bumped into her today and was telling my ex colleague that I’m so happy for her and was wondering when she was going to have her second kid. Then my ex colleague just blurted “if she can afford 20000 again then she can”.

The thought of RM20000 just struck me. Life is just so full of mystery when you sit and think. I come from very orthodox Indian background. It’s always the case when a girl reaches 25 and if she’s still single, the community talks as to why the girl is not married. Just when you think the mouth will stop which is doesn’t, it starts of another question, “so long married, why don’t want to have a kid ah?” This may seem like the next best question to ask but the mystery behind it could be a painful story. Some couples want to have kids but nothing seem to happen. When questions like this are posted to their direction it costs a lot of damages mentally for those involve.

I was told this colleague of mine had a problem. The husband had to donate his sperm to the sperm bank first and then the sperms are injected to her uterus. I think this is something like the In-vitro baby process. The cost of that is RM20000.00. She was lucky to have the process successful and have a very healthy baby. I question myself…. “Would I have spent that much to have a baby of my own? If I had not then would I have opted for the next best option which would be adoption?”

I guess it’s easier said then done when you think of it all. What I can say is that, that boy… is definitely one lucky kid to have such loving parents. As for me, well I have nothing to say at this point. I shall save my comments when I cross that bridge. For now, He's considered a RM20000.00 BABY. Wish him and his parents all the best.

TRIP TO MALACCA

“Selamat Hari Raya” to all my Muslim friends and readers. Thinking yesterday was the first day of Raya, I actually sent out all the raya wishes by sms yesterday only to realize later part of the evening it was today.. hehe… a blunder I made.. Must be the long holidays coming all at once.! (smiles)

Anyway, last week my friend called and asked me how about planning a trip to Cameron or Malacca. Knowing my family, I told him I don’t mind a day trip with no overnights. With much hesitation and disappointment he agreed.

I know Suresh 3 years ago through my friend Anita. Well since it’s been a long time since the 3 of us got together, so we decided to take a drive down on Raya day. I’m sure many are already asking how did I manage my parents, Right? Hehehe. I think I’m beginning to be a good mind reader now. Hehe. Anyway I simply told my mother I’m going to Malacca with 3 other girls who are Shobana, Tanu and Anita. Being a mother, my mum caused a big drama in my house the night before to discourage me from going but somehow I managed to still go.

I got ready by 6.15am and made my brother drop me in the commuter station so I can hop into the 6.35am train. I reached KLSentral by 7.15am. On my way Suresh called me and told me he’ll pick me up from KLSentral. About 8.15, Suresh came with Anita, and we went to Naga’s (an Indian restaurant in Brickfields) for breakfast. I hardly kept track on what time we left but all I know is that by 10.45am we were already walking on the streets of Malacca.

Overall the trip was good. For the first time I managed to blend my two personalities together. I would say it went a little mad because Anita mentioned the name of my ex-boyfriend which brought back both fond and haunted memories. I was home by 8.30. Before sending me home we stopped again in Naga’s for a drink.

As I mention, I had lots of unforgettable memories in this trip. The chats we had, the little flirting I did, will definitely be a memory in my head. There were a few things that happened on our way back. The annoying childish argument I had with Suresh and also the little flirting I did in order to patch things up after that are definately small memories in me. I just hope my harmless flirting with him had not offended him in any way.

Anyway when I reached home, I had a good bath and while lying on my bed I started to ponder on my day. I came to realize how much I have missed having a good clean fun. I should do this more often but already can foresee my mum's reaction to it all. Yet end of the day what counts most is that I had a great time and just hope my friends enjoyed my company as well.

DEEPAVALI

So it’s Deepavali today! Happy Deepavali to all friends and readers who are celebrating. I visited a lot of houses today. Went to Pravina’s house this morning. Then went to Prema’s house, Uncle Baldev’s place, Ranita’s and also Uncle Salam’s. There goes my diet. Was on heavy diet during the Puasa month and managed to loose 4kg. Just so sad that now I got to start from square one. Geezzzzzzzzzzz……

Dual Personalities

A few weeks ago, I had been cornered by a chatter friend who said she was intrigued by my dual personality life. I was very annoyed with her in the beginning but started reassessing my life when I was questioned about the same thing by a few others. Am I really leading two personalities or more!? I seriously wonder……

I come from a very Indian orthodox Christian family. My mother flares in anger with words like love marriage, boyfriend and dating. She’s more into cast, arranged marriage and very typical in her way of thinking. Her mindset can’t be applied in this modern era but she can’t be changed. She thinks having a cup of coffee with a guy friend is a sin. For this reason I portray innocent in front of my parents.

Who am I really? Will people learn to accept me if I were to be my true self? I think many won’t. I’m actually this not so innocent girl but very shy in front of certain crowd. I can’t be my open self in front of people for I’m crowded with more the typical type of people. I’m afraid I’ll have many jaws fall open wide! What I can do is I can try but not sure how to blend my wild open side to my homely traditional side. I just hope my future with my guy would be an open one.

I pray daily that I may find someone who would accept me the way I am and rescue me from this cubical I shut myself in due to respect of traditions and religion. Only time can answer my prayers…..

WATCH OUT WHAT U ADVICE

Friends, near and far have been giving me lots of comments about how I need to get whole of my life and crave for freedom to live the way I want to and not be bothered about what my parents think for a long time. Honestly speaking I care what my parents think because they are MY parents and not some outsider. Call me a ‘kolot’ or ‘kampung’ and I’ll just smile away. I don’t care what you think but just that you are not in my situation to tell me what you think of what I should do with my life. If u lived my life then perhaps you will know what’s happening to me. So for those who have not lived my life I suggest you just shut up or think before commenting! Sorry for being rude but at some point we have to draw the lines as to it is very irritating and makes me feel even sad that at point my parents are looked as if they were some control freak. Well I’ll be honest that they are but they have reasons for it only I can understand.

MC and MOVIE

So today I took MC. Two days ago my bladdy Monitor died on me and we got to change the monitor. Since then my freaking Migrane got back to me. I've been telling my doctors I'm having migrane for the longest time but they kept denying it saying I'm just stressed or thinking too much. Today when I went for my check up and they say I'm having Migrane. I think I give better prescriptions of sickness....

Anyway, I came home about 8.45am after seeing the doc, had my bath, had a panadol and took the train to MIDVALLEY!. Yeah I had migrane but i was still able to catch two back to back movies in the theatre....

I watched MySUPERExGF and also CLICK. It was very hillarious. Somehow, I laughed and laughed and guess what, I'm home now at 6.45pm without a migrane. Whoever said laughter was the best medicine must have had bad bladdy migranes!!! :) Anyway it was a nice outing with my friend Jenny. Had fun meeting up with her.MC for a movie!!! heheheh hopefully no one sues me in the office for this! :)

MERDEKA DINNER

So every year my housing area has a gathering and celebrates a few occasions together. During Chinese New year, all the Chinese resident of my residence will jointly invite all the rest of the community to celebrate with them Chinese New Year at our Taman Club House. This is the same for Deepavali and Christmas. But for Merdeka and also New Year, every household in the Taman will contribute and give the dinner. So for this Merdeka, one family paid about RM50.00. It was nice, we had Satay, Mee Hoon, Tosai, Putumayam, Mutton, Chicken, wine and sausages, chicken wings, and a few others I never got a hold off because I ran back to layan my friend’s sms.

It was good though. Managed to disturb one baby who could not get enough of me and was crying while I was leaving home. He was damn cute….. Will I ever have a little rascal on my own someday? I wonder………………………………………………………….

So it's the school holidays again. Many people with children would be thinking what to do, where to go with their kids in order the kids get the holidays they deserve after striving very hard to work their butts off at studies!! For some playful kids, this holiday is just slightly better than the normal school days for they are the lazy, playful ones.Last weekend I spent the night at Cititel hotel. I spent it with my collegue (who lost her husband) and their 11 year old son. I'll say I'm close to the boy. So we checked in the hotel at about 5pm. Funny how I left the turning to the hotel car park and I had to make one big round passing Brickfields all over again. For those who wants to stay in Cititel, Midvalley, the catch to their parking lot is..... You pass the hotel lobby and then as you come down to head the road immediately turn to your left and that's the hotel parking.

I left my collegue at the lobby and took her 11 year old to park the car. Well thank GOD we found a car park. And then we checked in the hotel. Had a short nap. At 8.00pm we left for the food court and had mixed rice plus ice-kacang. Damn was I stuffed. I booked a 9.30 show for "Over the hedge". It was a very good children movie I would say. I truly enjoyed it with the boy while his mother just dozed off at the theatre. I can't blame her because she was tired due to the medication she took.Movie was over by 11.00 and we got back to the hotel.

Next day we went for breakfast at 8.30am. We had breakfast at the hotel. Stuffed ourselves again and then waited for my other collegue to join us with her daughter, neice and nephew. They reached about 10am. We then walked to the GSC to watch "Poseidon" 11am show. Its just sad how one hero had to die end of that show... I loved the HERO though!. The guy who acted in SWEET HOME ALABAMA.... damn he is so cute especially HIS SMILE!!!!. WOW!!!!. Anyway you wanna know who died.... go watch the movie. It's worth watching...

The trip all ended very fast. After the movie I moved home straight. Reached home by 3.00pm and slept off till about 6.30pm. I enjoyed every single moment with the boy. He was indeed happy and I'm glad at least I made him smile and made his day.....

BLACK TUESDAY

Tuesday to Thursday (21st November – 23rd November), I was sent for a course. This is called a mandatory course where one needs to sit for some papers in order to be considered for a future promotion. Somehow I got my parent’s permission to stay out during this duration of course and surprisingly they agreed. Tuesday morning I was feeling very uneasy. Surprisingly I was not hungry. I just felt really gloomy and down. I thought perhaps I’d be hungry during lunch but yet another surprise, I was not. No breakfast and no lunch and I still felt very full and restless.

Just as I was reassessing myself as to what could have triggered my weird feeling for the day suddenly I received a call from my office mate Janagi. Janagi asked me if I heard from my ex colleague Devi from morning and I said No! Asking her further about why is Jan suddenly looking for Devi, Jan just paused and said “Cat…..”. My immediate reaction was “NO!!!” and Jan replied ‘YES’. I was speechless for one minute and I could hear tears in Jan’s voice. I asked how and she replied she was not sure but all she knew was that Devi fainted and was left unconscious. To verify things I called Devi’s hand phone and it was picked by her sister in law and she told me the news that my good friend and ex colleague had passed. I just could not believe the news. I have blog’d a few months ago about the passing of her husband, Uncle S and I’ve also mentioned about spending the school holidays with her and her 11 year old son and our stay in Cititel. I just can’t believe it. She called me the day earlier and told me she won’t be at office saying she’s going to the court to get the hearing of her husband’s LA. Her husband did not leave a will and that was what the court hearing was about. She went to the courthouse with her lawyer and her 11 year old boy. Her lawyer dropped her and her son at the entrance of the courthouse and went to park his car. When he arrived Devi was unconscious, she fainted and just fell and lost a lot of blood. She passed on her way to the hospital. Friends assumed she must have had some heart problems as she’s been having breathing difficulties for the longest time. Her son also said that she vomited blood a few days earlier but she just warned him not to tell anyone.

From the time of her husband’s death she kept telling daily that she can’t live without her husband and how she wants to go to where he has gone. Just never knew it would really happen so soon. I went to her house that evening. I arrived at 5.30 but the body had not arrived. The son looked very quiet and calm. I was not sure how to console him. Her mother still alive was crying at one corner. The whole situation got worst when the body arrived at 7.30pm. I could not bear to see her lying there. Memories of how we use to talk all came back. I left her place at 8.30pm. I just could not take it. The funeral took place the next day at 2pm. I was at my course and just could not go for the funeral. I felt really bad. Whenever she use to tell her about her death, at times when I get annoyed I’d reply her saying “ don’t worry if anything were to happen to you I’d take a day off and be there by your side”. I wish I could tell her sorry for I can’t make it. I could not sleep the whole night thinking of her and her kid. Things got worst when I heard that her son was adopted. I never knew this till now. I’ve got so many things to ask Devi but she’s no longer here.

I was told not to grieve too much for a death or they will not rest in peace. I don’t grieve but the memories are just something that will live in me. I will miss her. I just pray and hope everything will be fine with her adopted son.

BLACK SATURDAY

THis past 3 weeks I've been constantly making visits to this one particular Hospital to visit my friend's husband who was admitted in the ICU. Sadly Uncle did not survive. He passed on Saturday the 8th. Weird how so many deaths took place on this day. Two other collegue and friend lost their father on the same day yet I felt most with the passing of Uncle S.
I knew uncle for almost 4 years now through his wife. His wife and I used to work together but now she's transferred to another place. He was a very nice, jovial, interesting man. I remember spending nights over their house and I always had fun with their 11 year old son, Kabi. I just love squishing the little one (smiles). Such a perfect family now torn apart with the word DEATH!

The last I stayed in their house was about few months ago and in the morning while uncle was sending me to the office he was advising me to get married early and not late like he and his wife did. He was going on and on about the effects of late marriage including not able to bear more children.... Those were actually his last spoken words to me.
Till today I can't accept the fact that he's gone. I remember his wife had a mild stroke in 2002. He was the pillar to her recovery. On of the things he did that actually moved me to tears even today was that, I was told unlce would climb up the Batu Caves steps with his knees and then when he reaches the top, he would break down and pray. He was indeed a loving man who cared so much for his family and it is for him that his wife now drives with speedy recovery from her stroke.

Doctors diagnosed uncle's death to be too much toxication but I have my serious doubts. When I tell people about my doubts they would say "if a man is fated to go, nothing can stop it!". They are right in a way but explanations must be acceptable. My deepest question would be how can a man with a stone in his bladder end in high toxication after his surgery? Question I can only ask but never get an answer too. I asked this very similar question when my ex passed 4 years ago.. At that point I asked.... how can a guy with wisdom tooth extraction diagnosed as a leukimia patient when he was a Doctor himself and he didn't know!!!!? Life is just so unfair! My heart aches each time I see people in their 80 's still living strong while God punishes the good and younger ones!

No matter what my anger is, I can't bring the dead back to life! I looked really stupid trying to console uncle's wife telling her to be strong always for I know her pain is something no one can comfort except for the man she has lost. I speak this out of experiance and hence know the suffering of loosing the one you love and care and nothing anyone says will ever heal the broken heart.....................